Why Men in Female-Centric Professions Spend More Time on ‘Guy’ Chores

Fascinating new study of men and women seems to show that guys who work in “gender atypical” occupations — jobs that are dominated by women (nurses, for example), tend to spend a lot more time doing guy stuff around the house.That means tinkering with the plumbing, working on the car, painting, mowing the lawn, etc. Seems that they have to reestablish their masculinity.

Women who work in male-dominated professions tend to do the same–taking on a lot of traditionally female tasks after work. But they don’t do it quite as much as men. Apparently, working in a male-dominated profession isn’t as threatening to women’s femininity as the masculinity threats that guys feel when they work in female-dominated jobs.

full article here:  http://healthland.time.com/2012/03/02/why-men-in-female-centric-professions-spend-more-time-on-guy-chores/#ixzz1oabK6Uip

Coaching the (Childbirth) Coach

Dear Mr. Dad: My wife is pregnant and wants me to be her “labor coach” for the delivery. This is my first baby and I’m really nervous. What can I do to prepare?

A: Congratulations on your impending fatherhood! The very first thing to do is banish the word “coach” from your childbirth vocabulary. When things don’t go perfectly with an NBA or NFL team, the coach is the one who gets fired–sometimes right in the middle of a season. And someone else comes in to finish the job. Thinking of yourself as a coach puts way too much pressure on you. You’re the dad. You can’t be fired.

Next, learn about labor and delivery by attending childbirth classes with your wife, reading books like my The Expectant Father and The New Father: A Dad’s Guide to the First Year, and taking a tour of your hospital or birthing center. Then talk with your wife about what the ideal delivery scenario would look like. But resist the urge to create a written birth plan. Labor and delivery rarely go as planned, so lots of flexibility is essential. Here are a few discussion starters.

  • Many hospitals require constant monitoring (via a big belt and an IV), which could limit your wife’s mobility. Sometimes hospitals don’t let laboring women eat anything but ice. How does she feel about these policies?
  • In what circumstances would your wife want a C-Section, an episiotomy (an incision in the vagina to enlarge the opening), or assisted birth (forceps or vacuum extraction)?
  • Does your wife want an epidural (for pain) immediately or does she want an unmedicated delivery? If she wants to avoid medication, what other pain management techniques will she consider? How will you help her deal with the pain?
  • Who’s in the delivery room? Unless your wife specifically requests someone else, you should be the only non-medical professional there.
  • Atmosphere. Does she have a favorite song? Does she want loud, thumping music or a quiet setting with soft lighting?
  • Does she want to capture every minute of labor and delivery or wait until she’s had a chance to brush her hair before you start shooting?
  • Does she want to see the baby crown (when the head appears) using a mirror? Do you want to cut the cord?
  • After the birth, who gets to hold the baby first? Does your wife want to try breastfeeding right away? Do you want to bank your baby’s cord blood (check out cordblood.org)?
  • Pack a hospital bag for yourself, including a change of clothes, basic toiletries, a snack (for you, not her), and a swimsuit (she may end up laboring in a shower or tub and there’s no reason why you can’t be in there with her).
  • Unless there’s a clear medical emergency, don’t hesitate to ask what the nurse or doctor is doing and why. If something isn’t going the way you and your wife planned, speak up (she’ll probably be too exhausted).
  • Tell her how amazing she is. Labor and delivery are tough, and your support and encouragement will make a huge difference in her ability to cope.

Finally—and perhaps most importantly—trust your team. Stories about doctors pushing drugs and C-Sections may have been true a while ago, but not now. Unless you’re an MD or Labor & Delivery nurse, you’re probably not qualified to make medical decisions. If you can’t trust your OB to do (or suggest) what’s best for your wife, you really need to find someone else.

Breastfeeding Dad

Dear Mr. Dad: My baby’s mom and I are separated and I hardly ever get to see my 9-month old son because my ex is breastfeeding. Isn’t there some way I can spend more than just a few hours at a time with him?

A: Feeding your baby is a wonderful way for the two of you to bond with each other. And yes, there are some ways for you to increase your time with him. But before we get to that, it’s important to acknowledge that your ex is doing a fantastic thing for your son.

Current recommendations are that babies should have nothing but breast milk for the first six months of life, then, over the next six months, gradually phase out the milk and phase in solid food. As you may have heard, breastfed babies have stronger immune systems, are less likely to develop ear infections or pneumonia, and may even have higher IQs. Keep in mind, though, that it’s not the act of breastfeeding that gives babies all these advantages; it’s the actual breast milk itself.

Most mothers will express, or pump, their breast milk using a breast pump. The milk can stay in the refrigerator for up to a week or be frozen for several months. Later, when your baby is with you, you’ll give him that milk in a bottle. Using pumped breast milk will allow you to take your son overnight—but you and your ex will have to cooperate. Unfortunately, using a breast pump can make women feel like a cow. And pumps aren’t cheap (they can cost as much as $350). She can rent one, but long term, that will end up costing even more. If your ex won’t provide breast milk, you could give your baby formula—if your pediatrician agrees—until he hits 12 months, which is when he can start drinking cow’s milk. But your wife would still need to pump when the baby’s with you to keep up her milk supply.

If your son has never had a bottle, introducing one might be tricky. Here are some tips:

  • Practice. Don’t wait until you have your son for a full day before trying a bottle. Drinking from a bottle is different than breastfeeding so give your baby a chance to get the hang of it.
  • Offer a bottle a little earlier than his regular feeding time so he’s not starving.
  • Ask your ex to go somewhere else while you’re introducing the bottle. Babies can smell their mothers up to 20 feet away and he may not want to try something new if he can smell her breast
  • Don’t force it. If your son resists, try again a little later. You might also try putting some breast milk on the nipple of the bottle, experimenting with a different type of nipple, or changing positions.
  • If your son flat out refuses to take a bottle, try putting the milk in a sippy cup.

Most babies your son’s age have already started eating at least some solid foods (although “solid” is hardly the right word—“soupy” or “mushy” would be closer). In fact, it’s possible that several of his daytime snacks and feedings in a row consist entirely of baby food (the kind you can buy in the grocery store). This opens up the opportunity for you to take your son for a pretty good stretch. However, to quickly identify allergies, introduce new foods slowly—one at a time every few days. And make sure you and your ex are sharing this information with each other.