Nice Coverage of My Terre Haute, IN Talk on Military Dads

Brott, Military Father

Author Helps Deployed Dads with Home-Front Issues
Brott, Military FatherThis article ran on the AP wire and also appeared in The Military Times.
Oct. 2, 2014

By Howard Greninger
The (Terre Haute, Ind.) Tribune-Star via AP

Staff Sgt. Shawn Oxford of the Indiana Air National Guard said he knows what it’s like to come home after a military deployment.

“Things are definitely different when you come back, such as kids (initially) listening more to the parent who stayed at home. It does take some getting used to, but it is nice to know you are not the only one,” Oxford said.

He was among more than 50 members of the 181st Intelligence Wing Wednesday to hear a presentation from Armin A. Brott, who has written several books for dads, including his book, “The Military Father — A Hands-on Guide for Deployed Dads.” Brott is known as Mr. Dad.

Brott said he decided to write the book after he heard statements such as “my husband just came back from deployment and every time a door slams around here, he dives under a table. Or something from the mom or dad, that their 2-year-old daughter comes up from behind to give a hug, and I almost threw them out a window,” he told the Tribune-Star.

Brott served in the U.S. Marine Corps from 1976 to 1978, entering the service at age 17.

In his presentation to the Intelligence Wing at the Terre Haute International Airport-Hulman Field, Brott said there are different challenges facing families in active duty and reserve deployment.

One is finances.

“Young enlisted guys, or girls, are not making a lot of money, and they tend to live on the base,” he said. The young enlisted, Brott said, also tend to be targets of predatory loans and have a high rate of bankruptcy. “The average credit rating for active duty is 592, while the civilian reserve has a 692 credit rating,” he said.

The guard or military reservists may have a good job in their civilian life, but have a lower rank and earning less in the military. “If they get deployed, they have some financial issues to deal with because there is a long stretch of time where they are not making enough money to make ends meet. There is also the opposite effect of someone who has a good military income, but low civilian income. If there is a deployment, they get used to having that extra money and start buying things on credit. But when the deployment is over, they have all those bills to pay, so (they) end up in the same spot with difficulties managing finances,” he said.

Military personnel today also are more likely to see combat. In World War II, about 15 percent of veterans saw combat, while in the Vietnam War it was closer to 30 percent. “In Iraq and Afghanistan, it was closer to 70 to 80 percent who saw combat,” he said. Yet, Brott said, that does not mean there is a bigger connection of those in combat to post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms, especially when compared with another military problem of suicide, he said.

“Half of the people who commit suicide in the military, and it is a problem, were never deployed. Eighty percent of those committing suicide never saw combat,” he said.

Brott said active duty families often have support of being on bases and with people of similar situations. Reserve-duty dads, when deployed, go through feelings of shock, fear, anger and uncertainty, particularly before a first deployment. At the same time, their spouses can feel withdrawal and an emotional distance.

Capt. John Petrowski said he appreciated that Brott was able to show both sides of the deployed and a spouse at home. “Both face challenges and fears going into deployment. Plus the stress (of the spouse) at home with the kids. We have always said the toughest job is for the person who stays at home,” he said.

Petrowski said technology, such as Skype, can sometimes become too distracting to the person serving overseas, as well as a hardship on the person at home. “If the lawn mower is broken and you are in Afghanistan, it doesn’t do you any good to know that. Let’s just get the lawn mower fixed and not pass that on” to the deployed spouse, Petrowski said.

Brott said children react to deployment and returning from a deployment in different ways. “Yet all kids just want to know how it affects ‘me,’ your going away or your return, how will it affect ‘me.’ They have no other concerns, really and truly,” he said.

For infants, he suggests the deployed person record themselves reading stories. Toddlers do not understand time and can lash out verbally when a parent is gone. Pre-school and elementary children still have “the me thing going. We need to be reassuring that they understand what is going on. Give the child something to hold onto, something of value, so they feel connected to you and feel connected to what you are doing and your return.”

For children age 8 to 12, talking and listening to questions is important. For teens, “they can be sullen, can push you away or have behavioral problems, but the difficulty is being sullen or withdrawing or just being annoying sometimes is basic teen behavior. To separate out what is normal for a teen to what is normal for a teen with a parent who is deployed is difficult. Talking and listening is still important,” he said.

Senior Airman Anna Dennis said she appreciated the presentation. Dennis said that while she does not have children and could not directly relate to that discussion, “I didn’t think about the different ages of children and how they react” to a deployment, Dennis said.

The original article apppeared here.

Are You in Terre Haute, Indiana?

I’ll be in Terre Haute, Indiana next week giving a series of presentations. If you’re in the neighborhood and can make it, please come by and say Hello! Here’s the schedule:

Wednesday, Oct 1, 2-3pm
Parenting Strategies for Military Dads and Families
181st Intelligence Wing
Air National Guard Base Dining Facility

Wednesday, Oct 1, 7-8pm
Campus event: Thinking about Parenthood
Indiana State University
Hulman Memorial Student Union, Dede 1

Thursday Oct 2, 6:00 – 6:45
Single Parents
Sarah Scott Middle School, Cafeteria
1000 Grant Street
Terre Haute, IN 47802

Mind-Body Medicine + Sittercity + Tutor.com + The Big Disconnect

www.amazon.co.ukJames Gordon, Founder and Director of The Center for Mind-Body Medicine, and author of Unstuck: Your Guide to the Seven-Stage Journey our of Depression.


Lauren Tarasewicz, Military Program Manager for Sittercity



Maureen Haney, Program Manager for Tutor.com for U.S. Military Families



www.amazon.co.ukCatherine Steiner-Adair, author of The Big Disconnect.
Topic:
Protecting childhood and family relationships in the digital age.
Issues: How technology can put children’s development at risk; how tech is keeping children from forming close interactions with the adults in their life; insights and advice that can help parents achieve greater understanding, authority, and confidence when dealing with their kids and technology.

Boundaries in an Overconnected World + Distance Education + Army Resilience Training

www.amazon.co.ukAnne Katherine, author of Boundaries in an Overconnected World.
Topic:
Setting limits to preserve your focus, privacy, relationships, and sanity
Issues: Making social media, smart phones, and other devices work for you rather than against; tips to keep you focused at work and home; how to tell whether you’ve got a tech boundary problem; protecting your identity and your reputation; what to do if you can’t set boundaries for yourself (or your family).

Stephen Judd, Manager, Information Technology and Distance Education


MSG Jennifer Loredo, Master Resilience Trainer

Beyond Winning + LTG William E. Ingram + LTG Michael Ferriter

www.amazon.co.ukLuis Fernando Llosa, co-author of Beyond Winning.
Topic:
Smart parenting in a toxic sports environment
Issues: Why kids shouldn’t do organized sports until about age 11; the importance of not trying to live your sports fantasies through your children; avoiding bullying, trash talk, and elitism; picking sports based on your child’s developmental stage; suggestions for how to revamp the youth sports industry.

LTG IngramLTG William E. Ingram, Jr. Director, Army National Guard


LTG FerriterLTG Michael Ferriter, Assistant Chief of Staff for Installation Management (ACSIM) and Commanding General, U.S. Army Installation Management Command (IMCOM)

Interfaith Families + Army Reserve Family Programs

www.amazon.co.ukSusan Katz Miller, author of Being Both.
Topic:
Embracing two religions in one interfaith family
Issues: The growing phenomenon of dual-faith relationships; debunking the myth that raising children with two religions confuses children; the benefits of learning two faiths; how the interfaith experience enriches children, makes them more tolerant, encourages them to ask meaningful questions, and sparks creative thinking.


Brigadier General Tammy Smith, Director of Human Capital Core for the U. S. Army Reserve, talks about Army Reserve Family Programs