Getting Kids to Listen–without Nagging, Reminding, or Yelling

Guest: Amy McCready, author of If I Have to Tell You One More Time…
Topic:
The revolutionary program that gets your kids to listen without nagging, reminding, or yelling.
Issues: Why it’s so difficult to get kids to listen; how giving your child more power, not less can end power struggles; effective ways to correct misbehavior and bring out the best in your children.

Overcoming Ignoring + Stop Saying “Yes” for the Wrong Reasons + Negotiation Generation

Guest: Amy McCready, author of If I Have to Tell You One More Time…
Topic:
The revolutionary program that gets your kids to listen without nagging, reminding, or yelling.
Issues: Why it’s so difficult to get kids to listen; how giving your child more power, not less can end power struggles; effective ways to correct misbehavior and bring out the best in your children.


Adrianne Ahern, author of Snap out of It Now!
Topic: Four steps to inner joy.
Issues: Learning to understand—and overcome–the reasons people say yes to the wrong relationships, let anger lead them down the wrong path, fail at diets, and believe they aren’t good enough; making a quantum leap to a life of purpose, joy, and excellence.


Lynn Reeves Griffin, author of Negotiation Generation.
Topic: Taking back your parental authority without punishment.
Issues: How to influence your child’s behavior—without controlling it; predicting and preventing challenging behavior; letting go of time outs, grounding, spankings, and other punishments; teaching by example.

Did You Say Something, Mom?

Dear Mr. Dad: I hate to admit it, but my children won’t listen to me—especially when I ask them to help around the house. As a result I end up doing everything myself. The other day, I asked them to help me wash the car, which was filthy. I waited, asked again, and nothing. So I went outside and did it myself. A few weeks before, I told them to take the dog for a walk, they ignored me and the dog ended up pooping on the carpet (you gave this as an example a few months ago—I can’t believe it actually happened), so I had to clean it up. I’ve tried giving them more warnings and have even threated to take away some of their privileges, but they just say things like, “Why should we wash the car? It’s not ours” or “He’s your dog—you’re the one who adopted him.” I’m getting angrier and angrier at them. Something has to change, but what?

A: You have every right to be angry, but you should direct that anger toward yourself. In a word, what needs to change is you. Or, more accurately, the way you allow your kids to treat you. By giving them endless warnings, making empty threats, and then doing yourself what you asked them to do, you’ve taught them several important lessons: (a) They don’t need to respect you, (b) If they ignore you long enough, you’ll eventually give up, (c) it’s okay to not be a team player.
[Read more...]

Getting Kids to Listen–without Nagging, Reminding, or Yelling

[amazon asin=0399160590&template=thumbnail1&chan=default]Guest: Amy McCready, author of If I Have to Tell You One More Time… Topic: The revolutionary program that gets your kids to listen without nagging, reminding, or yelling.
Issues:

Stop Saying “Yes” for the Wrong Reasons + Negotiation Generation + Overcoming Ignoring

[amazon asin=0399160590&template=thumbnail1&chan=default]Guest: Amy McCready, author of If I Have to Tell You One More Time… Topic: The revolutionary program that gets your kids to listen without nagging, reminding, or yelling.
Issues:

[amazon asin=1591810566&template=thumbnail1&chan=default]Guest 2: Adrianne Ahern, author of Snap out of It Now!
Topic: Four steps to inner joy.
Issues:Learning to understand—and overcome–the reasons people say yes to the wrong relationships, let anger lead them down the wrong path, fail at diets, and believe they aren’t good enough; making a quantum leap to a life of purpose, joy, and excellence.


[amazon asin=0425217019&template=thumbnail1&chan=default]Guest 3: Lynn Reeves Griffin, author of Negotiation Generation.
Topic: Taking back your parental authority without punishment.
Issues: How to influence your child’s behavior—without controlling it; predicting and preventing challenging behavior; letting go of time outs, grounding, spankings, and other punishments; teaching by example.

I’m Only Going to Say This 100 More Times…

Dear Mr. Dad: We’ve tried to stress the importance of study habits to our 12-year-old son. But no matter what we do or say, he seems to end up playing video games instead of doing his homework. What can we do to make him start taking studying seriously?

A: Whoa. Before we get to the homework thing, we need to talk about the real issue: What can you do to get your son to start taking YOU seriously? The simplest approach (although, I admit that it’s not going to be easy) is to take away the video games. Whether it’s confiscating his DS or tablet, locking up his game controllers, or activating the parental controls on his computer, you need to take some firm steps right now. Your son is still young, but if he doesn’t start taking schoolwork more seriously soon, his grades may interfere with his post-high-school education and, eventually, his choice of career.

If possible, get your son involved in the discussion—have him suggest ways he can earn back his gaming time. The more the rules come from him, the greater the chance that he’ll follow them. But make sure he’s got things in the right order. Schoolwork first, then games. No exceptions.

Okay, back to homework—but again, we have to start with a different question: When did this behavior start? If he’s never had any interest in studying, that’s one thing (and we’ll get to that in a minute). But if this is a relatively new development, you need to figure out what’s going on.

Has anything in your son’s life changed recently? Did you just move to a new neighborhood? Could he be having a problem with a teacher? Is there any possibility that he’s being bullied at school? Have you and your spouse been fighting a lot or are you getting divorced? Any of these can cause significant—but usually temporary—changes in study habits.

Your assignment is to get answers to these and other similar questions that could be influencing your son’s schoolwork. This is going to involve spending more one-on-one time with your son and learning about his life and how he feels about things.

The temptation is to sit him down and start grilling him, face to face. Don’t. It’s hard for a teen to interpret that kind of approach as anything but hostile. Instead, start by asking him general questions about school, friends, music and other non-explosive topics. And do this while you’re driving. There’s something about not having to look at each other that can remove some of the barrier to communication. If you listen carefully and resist the urge to lecture, you may get the answers to your questions without actually having to come right out and ask them. And in the process, you’ll be strengthening your relationship with each other.

Now, what if he’s ever been interested in studying? Is it possible that he’s not getting enough intellectual stimulation? This is big. A child who finds schoolwork to be boring may simply tune out.

If it’s not that, communicating with your son will still be the goal, but there’s a twist. In this case, you’ll try to find ways to build on his natural interests. For example, if he loves sports or mechanics or cooking or whatever, start there. And then find ways to introduce math or science or language arts principles through those interests. Showing him that what he’s learning has some actual real-world applications will make it a lot more interesting—and worth working on.