Sorry, Mila, But We Are Pregnant

Dear Mr. Dad: As someone who writes a lot about fatherhood, you probably saw Mila Kunis’ funny public service announcement where she says that a man saying “we are pregnant” is a no-no. As a father-to-be, I enjoyed the sketch, but I think that Mila forgot that men do play a role throughout. My wife and I have been arguing (lightheartedly) about this and I need someone to back me up.

A: Oh, yea, I saw it. And not to worry—I’ve got your back. Mila and her husband Ashton Kutcher (OMG, and I really writing celebrity gossip?) seem like a lovely couple, and I’m sure they both have a good sense of humor. But kidding or not, her comments got a huge amount of coverage around the country (and the world).
[Read more...]

Fool Proof Father-Son Experiences in 2014

Now that Father’s Day has passed and your family has showered you with the appreciation every dad deserves, it’s time to start planning the next father-son outing to return the favor. Planning unique activities with your kid is about much more than just finding fun things to do. It’s a chance to share valuable bonding experiences and and even pass down skills they can use in the future.

[Read more...]

Co-Parenting After The Divorce

bob kornitzer

A guest post by Bob Kornitzer

bob kornitzerCo-parenting following a divorce (or following the split-up of a non-married couple) presents unique challenges to both parents; but especially to the dad who is now assuming an active parenting role in functions that were previously the sole domain of mom. A good example rests in dad’s interactions with his child’s pediatrician and the child’s health-related needs. Not only is active involvement in the child’s day-to-day medical needs a foreign subject to many newly divorced dads, but there are unique legal issues that I see frequently in my practice as family law attorney that cannot be ignored. For my illustration, I am assuming that dad has joint legal custody (involvement in major decisions involving the health, safety and welfare of the child) and also physical parenting time with the child.

Dad must keep in mind that he needs to be pro-active in learning everything about the child’s health-related needs. This means understanding any special problems of the child, researching those problems, joining the child at medical appointments and being part of the child’s medical decision process. A mom who is used to solely handling this role may not take kindly to what she perceives to be an intrusion into her historic parenting role. She may resist and either actively or passively leave dad out of the “loop”.

It is up to the newly active dad to sometimes bite his tongue, be diplomatic, but be persistent and consistent in participating in the child’s medical needs. Dad has the legal and moral right to help care for the child’s needs, but if dad is not consistent and active, he will effectively erode and minimize his role in the future. It is one thing to talk the talk, but dad must walk the walk.

The importance of cooperative consistency plays out in critical custodial issues. For instance, the more active a dad is in being involved with attending pediatric appointments, the more he will be recognized by the child, the mother, the pediatrician and potentially by the courts as a necessary ongoing component of the child’s life.

Keep in mind that even though I am using medical involvement as my example, this extends to all areas of a child’s needs such as education, sports, activities and religious training. Many divorcing dads who fought so hard to have the right to be active in their child’s lives then turn around and effectively give up that right by reverting to an uninvolved status that may have been prevalent during the marriage. This undermines dad’s legal strength in the future if a) he is seeking additional parenting time or b) mom is seeking to reduce dad’s parenting time. Very critically and not understood by most dads is that being a very involved dad may be the most effective method of preventing your former spouse from relocating to a geographically distant location with the child. When it comes to having meaningful rights to be an active parent, “use it or risk losing it” may be the mantra that dad needs to keep repeating to himself.

Mr. Kornitzer is a partner at the law firm of Pashman Stein and the Chair of its Family Law Department.  His practice focuses in all aspects of family law including divorce litigation, mediation, arbitration, post-judgment litigation, custody, relocation, domestic violence, premarital agreements, assets protection agreements, grandparents rights, spousal and child support. Mr. Kornitzer can be reached at 201-488-8200 or at rkornitzer@pashmanstein.com.

Masculinity and Fatherhood Reconstructed

Ronald Levant, author of Masculinity Reconstructed and editor of Psychology of Men and Masculinity.
Topic:
The changing definition and expectations of fatherhood at work, in relationships, and in family life.
Issues: How has fatherhood changed over the past 30-40 years? The many “new” types of fathers: single, never married same sex, stay-at-home; how fathers impact their children; how has the father’s role in the family changed over the years?

Peanut Butter Principles + Changing Roles and Expectations of Fathers

Eric Franklin, author of Peanut Butter Principles.
Topic:
Leadership lessons every parent should teach his or her kids
Issues: Building the internal skill set of self-confidence, self-awareness, self-esteem, and self-control; the importance of setting, pursuing, and achieving goals; fundamental wisdom that will smooth out the bumpy journey; learning how to interact with and impact others in a positive way; gaining the wisdom and ability to improve decision-making.


Ronald Levant, author of Masculinity Reconstructed and editor of Psychology of Men and Masculinity.
Topic:
The changing definition and expectations of fatherhood at work, in relationships, and in family life.
Issues: How has fatherhood changed over the past 30-40 years? The many “new” types of fathers: single, never married same sex, stay-at-home; how fathers impact their children; how has the father’s role in the family changed over the years?

Fatherhood: The More Things Change, the More They Stay the Same

Dear Mr. Dad: I’m what you’ve referred to as a “renewed dad.” I’ve got young adult children from a previous relationship and just became a new dad again. Things already seem very different than they were the first time around. Has fatherhood changed or is it just me?

A: A little of both. Renewed dads tend to be more financially secure and less worried about moving up the corporate latter than younger dads who are often just starting their careers. Renewed dads also typically have more time to spend with their young children. You’ll find that you’ll interact with your baby differently than you did with your older kids when they were the same age. Then, your back and knees were stronger than they are now and you probably spent more time wrestling, running, kicking, and doing other physical things. These days you’ll spend a little less time on the floor, and more time reading and talking to your baby.
[Read more...]