“If the Shoe Fits…” Spousal Support Is Not Just for Women

By Penelope L. Hefner

In the legal arena, it seems many times women have had to follow in the footsteps of men. But as family law attorneys across the nation are undoubtedly seeing, when it comes to spousal support it seems the shoe may be making its way to the other foot. In years past, according to “The Historical Background of Alimony Law and its Present Statutory Structure,” a 1939 article by Chester G. Vernier and John B. Hurlbut, former professors of law at Stanford University, the primary purpose of alimony was to “provide continuing maintenance for the wife.” It simply was beyond most lawmakers’ contemplation at that time that a husband would seek alimony.
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5 Tips To Start Anew After A Divorce

starting over after divorce

Divorce ushers in both an end and a new beginning. Those who make the tough decision to get divorced typically have very good reasons to do so, as the divorce process is hard, no matter what state it is in or whether it is contested or uncontested.  There is no "normal" reason for wanting a divorce. Divorce lawyers like me typically see divorce stem from a lack of commitment of the other spouse, too much arguing, infidelity, physical or emotional abuse, getting married too young, or having unrealistic expectations of what it takes to maintain a marriage.  

Being "stuck" in a relationship under any of the above conditions creates a large amount of stress, anxiety, and unhappiness. Experienced divorce lawyers are always told that when talking, counseling, and other self-help methods do not solve the issues, divorce is the only way "out". 

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Father sentenced to 6 months in jail for paying too much child support — Society’s Child — Sott.net

I’ve seen a lot of stupid stuff coming out of family courts, but this may be the worst ever. Sending a good father to jail for paying more child support than he was ordered and for “over-visiting” his son? Don’t people read Kafka anymore?

Father sentenced to 6 months in jail for paying too much child support — Society's Child — Sott.net.

Our Child is a Brat—and it’s Your Fault

Dear Mr. Dad: I’m a single mom with a 10-year-old son who’s with me half the time. Before the divorce, he was a sweet kid and a pleasure to be around. But lately he’s become a terror, throwing tantrums when he doesn’t get what he wants—and I think it’s because his father is spoiling him. How do I deal with him? What can I say to his dad to get this behavior to stop?

A: As you well know, divorce is tough on everyone involved: you, your ex, and your son. And among the many problems divorce creates, one of the most common is children being spoiled by mom or dad. The one doing the spoiling is usually the non-custodial parent, who’s making a well-intentioned attempt to buy the kids’ affection or to do something to make up for how hard the divorce has been on them. But the same thing can happen in cases like yours, where both parents have the kids the same amount of time.
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Divorced? Better Stay Away from Social Media

Social media is being used for just about everything these days, from keeping up with friends and family and reporting breaking news, to getting insights into the inner workings of school shooters’ mind and vetting job applicants. Well, now we can add determining custody in divorce cases.
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Divorce is Hard on Everyone: 5 Ways to Help Your Kids Through It

helping kids cope with divorce

Divorce is stressful for everyone involve, including any children who are involved. Many parents try to shelter their kids from the fighting and the nastiness that eventually comes even when parents outwardly commit to being reasonable and rational throughout the process. While it is usually impossible for children to come out of a divorce without a few emotional bumps and bruises, it is possible for parents to make the transition a little easier for their children. It is important for parents to let their kids know that they are feeling emotional and scared too and that those feelings are normal. In order for kids to move on in the healthiest way, it is important for parents to remember a few key points that will allow their children to confidently step in the new phase of life upon which the whole family is entering.

Let them have their own feelings.

Some kids will be devastated at the idea of their parents getting divorced while others will barely have any reaction at all. Every child is different and not all of them will be upset when their parents split up – regardless of what the court-ordered parenting class teachers want you to believe. Your child is unique and while many will go through the traditional Kuebler-Ross grief steps, many will not. It’s neither good nor bad; it just is. Be available to listen to your child, but don’t feel there is something automatically wrong if they aren’t grieving in a textbook manner. That being said, if a child isn’t dealing with it at all or is showing signs of severe loss or trauma, contact a mental health professional for an evaluation.

Don’t use them as sources of information or bargaining chips.

Children should NEVER be used as a means to get information about or as a way to get back at your ex. While it is tempting to ask your kids about your ex’s new apartment or new romance, fight the temptation. Your kids will have enough to work through seeing their parents with new partners and living apart. They don’t need to feel like they are betraying their parents trust by reporting what is going on in the separate houses during and after each visitation. There’s no harm in asking about your ex, but let your children share what they want. If they are being vague, then just leave it alone. If they want to talk, be there to listen. They will feel less like a pawn in a game if you keep your interest in your ex as low-key as possible.

Respect their choices and needs.

Within reason, parents need to respect their kids choices and needs. Children at different ages have different needs so parents need to be aware that their kids won’t always want to go on visitation or want to split holidays like the court papers said. As children get older, their friends will become more important and parents will need to understand this fact. While it is tough when living in an intact family, when a teen doesn’t want to visit a non-custodial parent because they’d rather be with their friends, it can cause hurt feelings and anger. Parents need to remember that their kids are going to grow up and that in the best interest of everyone to be flexible. A little bit of flexibility can go a long way to keeping a relationship positive between children and parents.

Don’t try to buy their affection.

In some cases, either consciously or subconsciously, parents will try to compete for their children’s affections with material goods and money. When children are small, this may work; however, when they get older it will backfire as the child will see the act for what it is – an attempt to purchase their affection. Things won’t replace a family and they certainly won’t make a child choose one parent over another.

Keep the guilt trips out of their lives.

Many children feel like a divorce is their fault in some way. The last thing they need is for parents to lay guilt trips on them about visitation or spending time with the other parent. Children need to know that their parents still accept them and are willing to work with the changes they are facing together. One of the fastest ways to destroy a child’s trust is to try to guilt them into doing something the parent wants. Again, it might work when a child is younger but when they get older they will see though the guilt trips and rebel against them.

Divorce is hard on adults and children. However, if parents keep the needs of the children first and foremost in their minds, the transition from one family into two will be much easier and smoother for everyone involved.

Timothy Hanks is a professional blogger that provides legal advice and information. He writes for Martin Sir & Associates, divorce lawyers located in Nashville TN.

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