Rona Renner, RN., author of Is that Me Yelling?
Topic: Getting your kids to cooperate without losing your cool.
Issues: becoming aware of yourself; understanding everyday triggers; adapting your parenting style to your child’s temperament; dealing with the yeller in your family; dealing with difficult situations, disorders, and differences.
Rona Renner, RN., author of Is that Me Yelling?
By Shefali Tsabary, PhD
It’s been said that the only things we really learn are the things we learn for ourselves. That’s because only when we learn it for ourselves does it become intrinsic to us. We just naturally do it, without having to be coaxed or disciplined. The key to raising a self-disciplined child is for them to learn for themselves—a process we undercut when we impose the lesson on them.
As a clinical psychologist working with families, I’ve found that children learn best from consequences, whereas punishment generates resentment. A child who is punished may fall in line, but their heart isn’t in it. They don’t learn to be self-disciplined—which is why so many of our kids have a traumatic time in their teens.
Dear Mr. Dad: My son is six, and he’s still having temper tantrums. Call me crazy, but I thought they would have petered out long ago. Most of the other parents we know say their kids stopped having tantrums when they were two or three. But my son is giving no indication that he’s going to relent anytime soon. What should we do? How long do we have to wait for him to stop?
A: Since you asked for it, I’ll tell you: You’re crazy. If you think you can just sit around and wait for your son to grow out of throwing tantrums, you’re going to be very, very disappointed and frustrated. In fact, given how long this has lasted, there’s a good chance that you and your spouse are the reason your son is still having tantrums in the first place. The only way to bring his reign of terror to an end is for you to step in and start doing something about it. Now.
Dear Mr. Dad: How bad is verbal discipline for kids? My next-door neighbors have a couple of teens and they are constantly yelling at them. Every single day. Not just a little—I’m talking top-of-your-lungs kind of stuff. Besides being really unpleasant to listen to, I’m worried about how that might affect the kids. I see them almost every day and I haven’t noticed any bruises or anything else that might indicate that they’re being hit. Still, should I say something to the parents or just keep my mouth shut?
A: “Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me,” is right up there with “Johnny and Julie siting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G….” and “I’m rubber, you’re glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you” on the list of top annoying (yet endlessly repeated) childhood sayings. It also happens to be completely wrong. Screaming at kids is plenty bad. In fact, a new study has found that yelling at teens may do at least as much long-term damage as hitting.
[amazon asin=0142196924&template=thumbleft&chan=default]Noel Janis-Norton, author of Calmer, Easier, Happier Parenting.
Topic: Five strategies that end daily battles and get kids to listen the first time.
Issues: A step-by-step plan that will help you raise a child who is cooperative, considerate, confident, and self-reliant. The five strategies are: descriptive praise, preparing for success, reflective listening, never ask twice, and rewards and consequences.
[amazon asin=B008JUVDUE&template=thumbnail1&chan=default]Guest 1: Michael Starbird, coauthor of The 5 Elements of Effective Thinking.
Topic: Not everyone is born a genius, but you can train your brain to think better.
Issues: Learning to understand things more deeply; turning mistakes into insights; how answers can lead to questions; creating new ideas from old ones; how to promote effective thinking.
[amazon asin=0983528772&template=thumbnail1&chan=default]Guest 2: Jude Bijou, author of Attitude Reconstruction.
Topic: A blueprint for building a better life
Issues: Could all your problems stem from unexpressed sadness, anger, or fear? Is it possible to turn your life around in less than five minutes a day? Communication rules that let you speak up about anything to anyone.
[amazon asin=B008P5BK1U&template=thumbnail1&chan=default]Guest 3: Ronald Mah, author of Difficult Behavior in Early Childhood.
Topic: Positive discipline for pre-K – third grade and beyond.
Issues: Reconciling different behavioral expectations of families and schools; applying timeout effectively; motivating children immediately and powerfully; identifying early signs of depression, anxiety, and special needs.
[amazon asin=0767927435&template=thumbnail1&chan=default]Guest 4: Hal Runkel, author of Screamfree Parenting.
Topic: Raising your kids by keeping your cool.
Issues: Why your emotional reactions to a child’s misbehavior backfires; parenting is not about kids—it’s about parents; why the greatest thing we can do for our kids is learn to focus on ourselves; how empty threats are really broken promises.