Mothers Who Can’t Love

www.amazon.co.ukSusan Forward, author of Mothers Who Can’t Love.
Topic:
A healing guide for daughters
Issues: The old cliche says that women marry their fathers–turns out, they marry their mothers; five types of mothers who can’t love: (severely narcissistic, overly enmeshed, control freak, mothers who need mothering, mothers who betray and neglect); recognizing the links between past and present–and how to make lasting changes.

Healing from Bad Mothering + Army Mental- and Physical Fitness + The General’s Kids

www.amazon.co.ukSusan Forward, author of Mothers Who Can’t Love.
Topic:
A healing guide for daughters
Issues: The old cliche says that women marry their fathers–turns out, they marry their mothers; five types of mothers who can’t love: (severely narcissistic, overly enmeshed, control freak, mothers who need mothering, mothers who betray and neglect); recognizing the links between past and present–and how to make lasting changes.

Command Chief Warrant Officer, Phyllis Wilson, talks about mental and physical fitness in the Army Reserve



Jacqueline Goodrich, founder of The General’s Kids


Bad adult behavior: apparently it’s contagious

Back in grade school I was a regular in the principal’s office–probably got sent there at least once a week. And more often than not, the principal would lean me over the desk and paddle my butt with a large wooden racquet. Those were different times (I guess) and most people would agree that a principal hitting a child with a paddle is child abuse.

So what is it when a teacher and teacher’s aid at a Houston school lock 3- and 4-year old children in a dark closet for acting up in class (in one case, the punishment was for laughing in class)? And not just any closet. Apparently these clever educators told the kids that there was a monster in the closet.

[Read more...]

Parents wire special-needs kids to prove teachers’ verbal abuse

Ordinarily, I’d have some kind of snarky comments on this, but the story is so disturbing that it really stands–unfortunately–on its own.

CHERRY HILL, N.J. – Teachers hurled insults like “bastard,” ”tard,” ”damn dumb” and “a hippo in a ballerina suit.” A bus driver threatened to slap one child, while a bus monitor told another, “Shut up, you little dog.”

They were all special needs students, and their parents all learned about the verbal abuse the same way — by planting audio recorders on them before sending them off to school.

[Read more...]

Exercising Caution

Dear Mr. Dad, I was changing my two year old daughter’s diaper after she’d come home from spending the day with her father (he and I are not together). She was touching herself and I told her to stop because her hands were dirty. She then said that “daddy touches me here.” I am completely freaking out. Why would he do something like that to her? Should I call the police?

A: I know I’m going to take a lot of flak for this, but the first thing you need to do is take a big, deep breath and calm down. Your natural reaction to hearing what your daughter said is to jump into action and do everything you possibly can to protect her—what parent wouldn’t? Ordinarily, I’d suggest erring on the side of caution and immediately making the call to the authorities. But before you pick up the phone, you need to be absolutely sure you know exactly what’s going on.

Taking your daughter to the emergency room for a cough that turns out to be nothing more than a cold may cost you a few extra co-pay dollars and leave you feeling a little embarrassed. But making a child abuse report for something that that turns out to be a misunderstanding is completely different. Many family law attorneys call a child abuse accusation the nuclear bomb of divorce cases, and with good reason: Once you start the process there is no going back. Ever. I’ve done a lot of research and writing on accusations of child abuse and I’ve seen too many cases where unfounded (and sometimes deliberately false) accusations have completely destroyed the lives of the accused.

As you know, diaper changing involves touching a child in a way that in any other circumstance would be completely inappropriate. And while no one wants to believe that a child would lie about something as serious as abuse, the fact is that you’re dealing with a two-year old. Kids that age still have trouble differentiating fact from fiction and are notoriously unreliable witnesses.

So what should you do? Start with checking in with your gut. Do you honestly have any reason to believe that your daughter’s father would abuse her? The answer is probably No. But don’t leave it at that—we’ve all heard of cases where people no one would ever suspect (priests, coaches, trusted relatives) have done the most horrible things.

If you have a good relationship with your ex, ask him if he’s noticed anything different about your daughter, whether she’s behaving oddly or saying strange things while she’s with him. If he hasn’t, tell him what your daughter said. But choose your words carefully. Your goal here is to gather information. Coming out and accusing him is a guaranteed conversation stopper.

You may want to get some advice from a close friend, but be careful: certain people—doctors, therapists, day care workers, and others are what’s called “mandated reporters,” meaning that they are required to report any suspicion of abuse—even if they aren’t 100 percent sure.

Although it’s tempting, try not to ask your daughter any more about this. Toddlers have an uncanny ability to read our expressions and will adapt what they say to what they think we want to hear—even if it’s completely made up. So wait a little and see whether she brings it up again without any prompting.

I’m not trying to minimize your fears—just hearing your story makes me wince. I just want you to be absolutely sure before you pick up that phone.