MrDad.com - Armin Brott in the Oakland Tribune

June 14, 2001

Berkeley Author Wrote His Own Book on Fatherhood

By Kristin Bender

Armin Brott is one of those guys who turns to books when he has a nagging question, a trouble, a doubt.
      So when he and his wife Andrea were expecting their first child, Brott, now 42, naturally looked for books that would explain the feelings and emotions he didn't understand.
      He wanted a book that would ready him for the biggest adventure of his life, something that would explain how to juggle work and family, what childbirth classes are all about, how to bathe a baby.
      "I looked for answers in my wife's pregnancy books, but information about what expectant fathers go through - if it was discussed at all - was at best superficial, consisting mostly of advice on how men could be supportive of their pregnant wives," he explains.
      Friends and family, who had no children of their own, were unfortunately no help, Brott says.
      So, Brott of Berkeley did the logical thing: He sat down and wrote the book he needed.
      Just in time for Father's Day, a revised, bulked up and improved version of "The Expectant Father, Facts, Tips and Advice for Dads-to-Be" (Abbeville Press; $11.95) arrived last month in bookstores Bay Area-wide.
      "There are probably 20 (books for expectant moms) for every one book for expectant dads, and most of those are really thin," says reader and father Jeff Fletcher, 31, of Danville. "Some of them are almost like joke books, Armin's book is entertaining, but not sarcastic."
      Originally written in 1995, the new version takes into account the fading "traditional family" and includes advice for expectant adoptive fathers and for fathers of multiples. Brott has also added the latest research, facts and figures on the reasons for premature births and informational such things as nutritional supplements.
      And readers say he is delivering exactly what they want.
      "Most of (the books I'd read) had the theme of 'this is what you can do to stop your wife from hating you.' His was more `you are going to like being a dad, this is a big deal for you too,'" Fletcher explains.
      Fletcher said Brott doesn't take the approach that "guys are stupid and don't really care about pregnancy but can fake it and avoid getting slugged by our wives."
      "The Expectant Father" is written in a warm, accessible style without being mushy or warm and fuzzy. It offers month-by-month advice (in the fifth month, the baby can close his or her eyes and is starting to grow eyelashes and hair) and practical tips (reasons for prenatal testing, ways to show you care) from conception to delivery. The book also covers the emotional, financial, even physical changes that a father-to-be should expect.
      Physical changes?
      "Although most of what you'll be going through during (the) pregnancy will be psychological, don't be surprised if you start developing some physical symptoms as well. Various studies estimate that anywhere from 22 to 79 percent of expectant American fathers experience "couvade" syndrome or sympathetic pregnancy," explains Brott in the book.
      Symptoms can include those associated with traditional pregnancy.
Brott, who also hosts the national radio show "Positive Parenting," says he tried to cover all the bases in the reader.
      "When you have men who are more involved while their wives are pregnant, you have men who are more involved over the long haul. That's just the facts," he says.
      Brott also wants fathers to know that the distant and often apathetic fathering of the last generation isn't acceptable or productive in modern America.
      "The most important idea is guys should not back off. If they want to be involved they should step in. Don't let your wife take the crying baby off your shoulder, don't let her put you in the role of being a helper."
      Brott, who now has two children, Tirzah, 11, and Talya, 7, is also the author of "The New Father: A Dad's Guide to the First Year," "A Dad's Guide to the Toddler Years," "The Single Father: a Dad's Guide to Parenting Without a Partner" and "Throw Away Dads." He also writes an advice column, Ask Mr. Dad, in the Sunday Bay Area Living section.
      And although the idea was to give guys something to read while their partner is shopping for maternity clothes, getting the nursery ready and attending baby showers, Brott says about half of the folks who write and e-mail him are women.
      "What they appreciate the most is the material is straightforward, it's not dogmatic and their perspective is dealt with openly through out," he says.