Sometimes Being a Teenager Just Stinks
Dear Mr. Dad: My son has changed completely over the last few months, from a sweet kid to surly and rude. He deliberately upsets our younger children, mouths off to his mother and me, and spends all his time in his room or out with his friends—most of whom are new. He’s dropped out of all the things he used to love, like soccer and orchestra, and doesn’t seem the least bit concerned with personal hygiene. The other day my mom came to visit and asked me whether some animal had died in the house. I had to admit to that the smell was coming...
read moreLet Me Sleep on It…
Dear Mr. Dad: Our six-month old baby has some serious sleep problems. We’ve tried everything—different bedtimes, skipping naps so he’ll be extra tired, changing lullabies, having him nurse just before bed and putting him down asleep, even getting blackout curtains for his room, but he still gets up in the middle of the night and has a terrible time going back to sleep. My wife and I are both exhausted all the time. What can we do? A: One of the most important things you can do is to establish a bedtime routine—and stick with it. Babies...
read moreThink About This for a Minute (Or More)
Dear Mr. Dad: My seven-year old is very stressed. He’s constantly worried, can’t seem to focus in school, and almost always seems to be on edge. A friend suggested that we get our daughter to meditate. Sounds kind of kooky to me, but my friend insists that it’s a good thing. What do you think? A: Despite having spent a good portion of my life either in Berkeley or just a few miles away, I used to be very skeptical about meditation and all the supposed benefits. It’s always sounded a bit too good to be true. After all, how could...
read moreHey, Whose Birth Is This, Anyway?
Dear Mr. Dad: We’re about to have a baby and my wife is trying to convince me to have a home birth with a tub of water. I just don’t feel comfortable with this idea and would really rather just go to the hospital and deal with a regular doctor. I’m worried about what could happen if something goes wrong. My wife is getting irritated that I won’t do things her way. What should I do? A: First, let me congratulate you and your wife for being brave enough to talk about this. I deal with a lot of parents and it always amazes me how long...
read moreWhen Friends Let Friends Down
Dear Mr. Dad: My eight-year old daughter’s best friend—a girl she’s known since kindergarten—just moved out of the area. My daughter doesn’t make friends very easily—she’s always had a small number of pretty intense friendships—and she seems particularly devastated that this girl is leaving town. I’m worried about her. Is there anything I can do to make her feel better? A: Losing a friend—whether because of a physical separation or a relationship-ending disagreement—is usually a major event in a child’s life....
read moreI’m Only Going to Say This 100 More Times…
Dear Mr. Dad: We’ve tried to stress the importance of study habits to our 12-year-old son. But no matter what we do or say, he seems to end up playing video games instead of doing his homework. What can we do to make him start taking studying seriously? A: Whoa. Before we get to the homework thing, we need to talk about the real issue: What can you do to get your son to start taking YOU seriously? The simplest approach (although, I admit that it’s not going to be easy) is to take away the video games. Whether it’s confiscating his DS or...
read moreDon’t Divorce Your Baby
Dear Mr. Dad: My wife and I are going through a rough patch in our marriage. We’ve been talking about getting a divorce but are concerned about how it could impact our six-month-old son. Will it? A: Since children are all different and respond differently to the stresses in their lives, it’s impossible to predict what the effects on any one child will be. That said, most children—infants included—are deeply affected by their parents’ divorce (or breakup if they were never married). Although infants as young as yours can’t possibly...
read moreDrop and Give Me Twenty
Dear Mr. Dad. It seems like every other day there’s a scary story in the news about childhood obesity and diabetes and more. What I rarely hear about is what to actually do about it—aside from “eat less junk and do more exercise.” I don’t find that terribly helpful. Can you offer some specific ideas on how to get my kids healthier? A: Definitely. Before we start, though, I encourage you to stop thinking in terms of, “get my kids healthier,” and instead talk about “get healthier as a family.” As I’m sure you’ve discovered...
read moreYou Know I Love You More Than She Does, Don’t You?
Dear Mr. Dad: I’m dating a single father who says that his relationship with me means the world to him. But is it normal for him to leave in the middle of a number of dates to cater to the whims of his almost 18 yr. old daughter? He’s left to drive her to the mall, pick her up or drop her off at friends’ homes, and recently to attend to a tummy ache. Is this just some kind of a teenage power struggle and response to her dad dating? Do you think that this guy will ever stand up for himself? A: It’s pretty clear that your...
read more21st Century Manners—or the Lack Thereof
Dear Mr. Dad: We’ve always taught our kids to say “please,” “thank you,” “excuse me,” and the other basics. But where are the rules about texting and using cell phones and all those other things that didn’t even exist when our parents were teaching us how to be polite? A: Great question. Reminds me of last Thanksgiving, which I hosted. I was sitting at one end of the table and noticed that two guests at the other end were staring into their laps and, you guessed it, texting. I didn’t want to embarrass them, so I did the next...
read moreWait a Second–She Did What?!
Dear Mr. Dad. My 16-year old son has been coming home with bruises on his face and arms. At first, I assumed they were from sports. But when I asked, he got very embarrassed and refused to talk about it. Thinking maybe he was getting bullied at school, I pushed the issue and eventually he told me that his girlfriend was hitting him. I was shocked—I’ve never heard of a girl beating up a guy before. How common is this? A: Sadly, it’s incredibly common—far more than most people would like to admit. If you look at official statistics...
read moreExercising Caution
Dear Mr. Dad, I was changing my two year old daughter’s diaper after she’d come home from spending the day with her father (he and I are not together). She was touching herself and I told her to stop because her hands were dirty. She then said that “daddy touches me here.” I am completely freaking out. Why would he do something like that to her? Should I call the police? A: I know I’m going to take a lot of flak for this, but the first thing you need to do is take a big, deep breath and calm down. Your natural reaction to hearing...
read moreSometimes You Just Have to Help Yourself
Dear Mr. Dad: I have postpartum depression pretty bad, and I feel like my husband thinks I’m faking it. How can I help him understand that I seriously need his help? A: Brava to you—most women who have post partum depression don’t get the help they need, often because they’re embarrassed to ask for it. Fortunately for you, your husband, and your baby, you’re not most women. So start by showing your husband this column—hopefully he’ll get the hint. Almost all new moms go through the “baby blues”—mild sadness, mood...
read moreOkay, Folks, Take It Outside
Dear Mr. Dad: My wife and I sometimes fight when our children, eight and ten, are present. We know we probably shouldn’t argue in front of them but things are sometimes so tense that we can’t stop ourselves (I recently lost my job and we’re facing possible foreclosure). How damaging is it to argue in front of children, and how can we stop? A: You’re right: you probably shouldn’t argue in front of your children. Some studies have found that kids whose parents fight a lot may become depressed, anxious, or withdrawn. They may also...
read moreRethinking Thinking
Dear Mr. Dad: There’s something going on with our nine-year old son, but it’s hard to describe. We know that he’s very smart—he reads at a high-school level, does the most amazing math calculations in his head, and is a wonderful artist. But only at home. At school, his grades are horrible, he gets in trouble a lot, is often called an underachiever, and has been diagnosed with ADHD and other learning disabilities. I always thought that being gifted and having learning disabilities were mutually exclusive. Is it possible for someone to...
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