Telling Your Kids about Divorce
Dear Mr. Dad: My wife and I are going to get divorced. How do I tell my 3-year old daughter and 7-year old son what’s happening so they’ll understand that it’s about their mother and father, not about them? A: Divorce is never pleasant for anyone. But even if it turns out to be a good thing for the adults, it’s often devastating to children. In a way, it really is the end of their world. It’s great that you’re putting your kids first. Here’s how to break the news. Find a large block of uninterrupted time so you can...
read moreFriend vs. Parent—You Don’t Have to Choose
Dear Mr. Dad. I’m the single father of a six-year-old girl. How do I balance being a parent and a friend? I don’t want to lose her by being strict all the time, but I also don’t want her to grow up as a spoiled brat. A: Somehow people got the idea that parenthood and friendship are mutually exclusive—that it’s one or the other—and that we should always be the parent and never be the friend. That’s absurd. In fact, it’s not only possible to be both, it’s actually a really good idea. According to Webster’s, a friend is...
read moreHelping Dad Grieve
Dear Mr. Dad: My mom passed away three months ago. I moved into my parents’ home to support my dad through these hard times. The problem is that it’s like I’m in prison where I can’t do anything. I feel sad and depressed and find myself crying a lot during the day. Is that normal? My dad and I don’t get along either. He’s messy and I’m not. I like structure and he doesn’t. It’s a nightmare—what can I do? A: When you look at lists of the most stressful life events, the death of a spouse or close family member and moving to...
read moreHey, Mister, is That Your Biological Clock Ticking?
Dear Mr. Dad: My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for quite some time. He’s 45 and I’m 40. We both had extensive testing and it turns out that he has some sperm issues. Our fertility specialist has suggested a number of really expensive treatments, including surgery. Aren’t there any natural options we can try first? A: We often think of women as the only ones with ticking biological clocks, but men have them too. Starting in their mid-40s, men start developing the “sperm issues” you referred to. In most cases that...
read moreDebunking the Myths about What Causes Learning Disabilities
Dear Mr. Dad: Our 7-year old son has been diagnosed with a learning disability (specifically dyslexia). Some friends of ours with a child the same age have been telling us that our son’s condition might have been caused by vaccines he had. They also say that vaccines cause autism and worse. We asked our doctor about this and he says vaccines are perfectly safe and that our son’s dyslexia was caused by other factors. Who’s right? A: Your doctor. There’s been a lot of research in the past few years looking into the connection (or lack)...
read moreCan We Afford to Send Our Kids to College? Do We Even Know What It Costs?
Dear Mr. Dad: Our son is a high-school senior. He’s a good student and wants to go to college next year. Seems odd to be worrying about this already, but there’s no way we can afford to send him to the places he’s looking at. My husband lost his job, I’m working only part time, and we weren’t able to put enough into our son’s college account as we’d hoped. What should we do? A: Welcome to the dizzying world of college finances. In every other generation in recent history, children have done better than their parents. They get...
read moreWhy We Need Zero Tolerance for Zero Tolerance
Dear Mr. Dad: A few days after school started, my 9-year old son started coming home crying. I asked him what was wrong and he said, “Nothing.” But when he started refusing to go to school in the mornings, I pushed the issue and he broke down and told me he’s being bullied by an older child. My son’s school has a zero-tolerance bullying policy and I expected better from them. Should I confront the bully’s parents? A: Bullying has probably been around as long as there have been people. Accurate statistics on how many kids are...
read moreSchool Shouldn’t Be a Backbreaking Experience
Dear Mr. Dad: School just started this week and already, our 10-year old son’s backpack is so heavy he can hardly lift it. I see a lot of other kids with wheely packs—should we get one for him? A: Overloaded backpacks are responsible for an increasing amount of pain, injuries, and emergency room visits. National School Backpack Awareness Day is the third Wednesday in September. But I think the American Occupational Therapy Association (which created it) should move it a month earlier so parents can be aware of their kids’ backpacks...
read moreWill You Please Just Get Out of Here? Now!
Dear Mr. Dad: How do I tell my two adult children ages 22 and 24—and still living at home—that their father and I need our privacy and space? We have almost no time to ourselves, and romance is virtually out of the question, even more so than when they were little. They come and go as they please, constantly have friends over, and never tell us their plans. A: Once upon a time, kids moved out of the house at 18, got jobs or went to school, and generally became (or at least acted like) grownups. However, there’s been an interesting trend...
read moreNo, I’m Not Babysitting: I’m Their Dad
Dear Mr. Dad: I’m a stay at home father, have been for about two years, and really like it. But I’ve been feeling guilty. My wife works long hours and attends school while I do only about six hours of chores (throughout the day, not all at once). She says she’s perfectly fine with me being at home as long as I’m cooking and cleaning. Should I give in to social convention and get a job? Am I a failure as a husband? And, most importantly, why are stay-at-home dads frowned upon? A: Wow, that’s a lot of questions. But let’s start with...
read moreCatching Your Newborn: Not for Everyone
Dear Mr. Dad: I’m in the US Air Force, stationed in Italy. My wife is 5.5 months pregnant with our first and I’ve asked our on-base obstetricians to allow me to catch the baby when it’s born. I feel I should be the first person to hold my child, not some doctor we’ll never see again. They don't seem too happy with this and I fear I won't get the chance. Since we're overseas, we don't have the option of choosing a different OB. Am I being petty? A: It wasn’t all that long ago that dads weren’t allowed in the delivery room at all,...
read moreHaving One Child: A Personal Choice
Dear Mr. Dad: People keep asking my husband and me when we’re going to have more children. The truth is we have one son and don’t plan to have any more. How should I handle these constant annoying inquires? A: Questions about kids, particularly when meeting new people, are pretty standard, right up with “what do you do for a living?” Most folks don’t mean any harm—it’s kind of like the way we ask each other, “how’re you doing?” never really expecting to have an actual discussion about bunions or back pain. The...
read moreDating a Divorced Dad: Patience and Bravery Required
Dear Mr. Dad: I’m a sixth grade teacher and one of my students became very attached to me during the school year. Her parents divorced eight years ago and I began emailing with her dad a couple months ago. We started seeing each other but didn’t let many people know because we wanted to wait until school was out. The daughter got wind that something was going on and told her dad it was wrong for him to date her teacher and begged him to date anyone but me. I wasn’t expecting this reaction and we stopped seeing each other. He said he...
read moreWhy Can’t They Be More Like Us?
Dear Mr. Dad: Some friends of ours have a very different parenting style than we do. They’re far more concerned with being their children’s friends than in being their parents. We like this couple as people, but my husband and I have a real problem with their parenting and we find ourselves avoiding them more and more. How can we salvage our friendship? A: Wouldn’t it be nice if all parents had the same values and concerns? Hmm. Probably not—life would be pretty boring that way. Fortunately, though, we’re not lemmings and parents...
read moreClean My Room? Sure. But Only if You Pay Me
Dear Mr. Dad: My wife and I have very different opinions about bribing our children. She wants to reward everything they do, from getting good grades at school to cleaning their rooms, with some sort of treat. This can be money, a special toy, or whatever. I say that the kids should learn that an achievement, like grades, should be its own reward. What do you think? A: In last week’s column I raised the issue of paying kids do certain chores and I got a lot of emails—about half thought that was a good idea, half didn’t. I hate to say...
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