Dear Mr. Dad: I have a 1-year old who says only two words: mama and dada. My best friend’s son is two months younger and she’s constantly bragging about his vocabulary. It’s driving me crazy—and it’s making me worry that there might be something wrong with my child. When do children start talking? Do they all talk around the same time? Is there any way I can assist my child to talk sooner?

A: As with walking and most other developmental milestones, there’s no fixed time for children to start talking, and what’s “normal” is a big, big range. Some start putting together words as early as nine months; others don’t have much to say until they’re two. The size of the vocabulary and the child’s age when words start tumbling out of his mouth is no indication of intelligence (Albert Einstein supposedly was nearly silent until age four).There’s definitely a luck-of-the-draw component here, but here are a few things that may speed things along. Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Mr. Dad: I’ve been reading more and more that baby bottles and sippy cups are made from harmful plastics. How do I know which ones are safe?

A: You’ve probably been hearing about bisphenol A (BPA), which has been making headlines lately. Even if you haven’t heard of it’, it’s all over your house—besides baby bottles and sippy cups, it’s in just about anything made of hard, clear plastic, as well as in the lining of food and beverage cans. And if your child’s teeth were sealed by her dentist, there’s a good chance that the coating contains BPA. The problem is that BPA mimics estrogen in the body, and experts suspect that it may cause birth defects, developmental delays, cancer, ADD, early onset puberty, and more. Pretty scary stuff. Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Mr. Dad: My son’s first grade teacher is recommending that he repeat the year rather than move on to second grade. She says he hasn’t mastered the academics, and that it’s better to hold him back now than later. I really don’t want to put him through that if it isn’t necessary. What should I do?

A: One of the sad results of mixing politics and education is that rules that sound right—especially those that appear to be a good, olde “no-nonsense” approach—are often pursued despite strong evidence that they don’t work, or worse, that they do harm. Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Mr. Dad: My kindergartener has begun swearing around the house when he’s frustrated or angry. I’m terrified that he’ll do it in front of his grandparents or at school. How can I nip this in the bud before it becomes a real problem?

A: Just as most parents never forget their child’s first step or the first tooth, it’s hard to forget the first time our sweet baby opens those innocent little lips and lets lose with a loud “damn it”—or worse. It can also be hard to put it in perspective, and we tend to immediately imagine a slippery slope leading from profanity directly to the penitentiary.

Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Mr. Dad: I remember my own childhood as a time of wonder, but we always seem to be flying in different directions all the time, and the kids don’t get time to just stare into space and be amazed. How can parents in a typical, busy, overscheduled family encourage a sense of wonder in their kids?

A: There’s a reason that old TV show was called The Wonder Years. All sorts of developmental windows are open wide during childhood—for learning languages, for instilling values, for developing musical and verbal abilities, and more—but they don’t stay open forever.

Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Mr. Dad: My wife has recently begun to worry that our kids spend too much time in front of the TV, computer, and video games. While I agree that it’s too much, I remember watching loads of television as a kid, and I turned out okay. Is all the hype about “screen time” really something to be concerned about?

A: This topic reminds me of the pickle so many baby boomer parents are in when talking about premarital sex or smoking marijuana—how can I tell my kids not to do the things I did when I was their age? My parents weren’t big TV watchers, but I could hardly wait for them to go out for the evening so I could settle into a comfortable evening of Batman, Superman, The Three Stooges, and a lot more. So why worry about our kids doing the same? Well, there are two issues here: content and time.

Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Mr. Dad: My two month old wants to be held all day long. Everyone I know is telling me that she’ll grow up spoiled if I don’t put her down. Am I spoiling her?

A: Not a chance! Here’s the only math formula that new parents need to know: wants = needs. It’s absolutely impossible to spoil a baby that young. The concept of manipulating you with his tears is months away. Here’s what’s probably going on inside your baby’s head. For nine months he was living in a cozy, warm environment and was used to being constantly held. Now that he’s out in the real world, he craves the security of his old womb. But as he gets older, he’ll gradually need that security less and less.

Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Mr. Dad: Our daughter will turn five this summer, just three weeks before the cutoff for kindergarten. If I send her to kindergarten this year, she’d be the youngest in her class. How do I know whether she’s actually ready?

A: Welcome to the first of many life-and-death decisions about your child’s education! I’m kidding, of course, but it certainly feels that way, doesn’t it? Like most parenting decisions, rest assured that the decision about when to start kindergarten isn’t half as consequential as we tend to think. There are roughly equal advantages and disadvantages to being the youngest and the oldest in class, so that really shouldn’t be the basis of your decision. More important is your last question: How do you know when your child is ready?

Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Mr. Dad: My wife and I took our teenage son, a high-school senior, to visit a few of the colleges he’d like to apply to. For the most part they seemed great, everything a parent could want for his child—except affordable! How does anyone afford college these days?

A: I’m so glad you wrote—my daughter and I just came back from a similar trip and I was amazed that admissions directors could actually say the words, “$52,000 per year” with a straight face. Unfortunately, though, tuition sticker shock is no joke. According to the National Postsecondary Student Aid Study, two-thirds of four-year students graduate with an average student loan debt of nearly $20,000. One-fourth of those students borrow $24,936 or more, while a tenth borrow $35,213 or more. Those figures are probably a little lower for state schools, a lot higher for private schools.

Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Mr. Dad: My two-year-old is a terror on a playdate! He seems completely incapable of sharing toys and even grabs toys out of the hands of his little friends. I spend half of my time apologizing for him to other moms and dads. What can I do?

What a great question—reminds me of a poster one of my children’s day care providers had on her wall called “The Toddler’s Rules of Ownership.” Here are a few samples

• If I like it, it’s mine.
• If it’s in my hands, it’s mine.
• If I can take it from you, it’s mine.
• If I had it a week ago, it’s mine.
• If it’s your and I steal it, it’s mine.

Read the rest of this entry »