Dear Mr. Dad: How do I find a way to forgive my 22-year old daughter for attending the marriage of her mother and the man she had an affair with. I have tried and tried and it’s just not in me. I felt my daughter should have informed her mother that she could not attend out of respect for me.

A: I know it’s hard, but you need to take a deep breath and let it go. The fact that your daughter attended her mother’s wedding has nothing to do with the way she feels about you. I’m sure she knows exactly what happened between you and her mother but like it or not, she loves her mother–lousy behavior and all.
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Dear Mr. Dad: A young family recently moved in next door. There’s always a lot of yelling and door slamming and I’ve noticed that the boy who lives there, who looks about 10, often has bruises on his face, arms, and legs. Whenever I see him, he seems afraid to make eye contact. I don’t want to rush to judgment and accuse the parents of abuse, but I also don’t want to turn a blind eye in case I’m right. What should I do?

A: Thank you for speaking up and for your concern—you’ve just identified several classic warning signs of abuse. You’ve also stumbled into a very tough, very complex situation (one that I’m sure will generate angry emails from readers no matter how I answer the question).
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Dear Mr. Dad: My four-year old daughter often climbs into bed with me and my wife in the middle of the night, claiming to be scared of a tiger, crocodile, or something else. She also seems to be generally afraid of the dark. There’s a night light in her room and we never read scary stories to her. What can we do to help her get over her fears, and how do I know she’s not just making the whole thing up so she can sleep with us?

A. Even at the ripe old age of four, most children have a tough time telling the difference between reality and make believe. As a result, strange shadows and bumps in the night are enough to drive even the bravest child into mom and dad’s room. Fortunately, there are a few things you can do to get her out of your bed and back into her own.
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Dear Mr. Dad: My 13-year-old son has difficulty making friends. He’s a little shy, but a nice kid. He says he’s as tried to talk to different boys at school, but claims no one likes him. How can I help?

A: As parents, we all want our children to be popular and well-liked by their peers, but things don’t always work out that way. Kids–just like adults–have their own personalities, and it sounds like your son may simply be less outgoing and gregarious than his schoolmates.
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Dear Mr. Dad: My wife is 11 weeks pregnant and driving me nuts. She’s worried constantly about our financial situation, her time off work, child care, you name it. She’s mad at me one minute, sad the next, and happy the one after that. Frankly, I’m not really buying the whole “emotional roller coaster” thing. Is she using her pregnancy as an excuse to act this way?

A: Well, there’s good news and bad news. The bad is that the pregnancy roller coaster does exist and your wife’s hormones really are responsible for most of her erratic behavior. The good news is that the ride typically ends early in the second trimester, which you’re just about to start. Until then, try to be as understanding as can be—she’s probably not any happier with her behavior than you are and is finding the whole thing confusing and frightening.
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Dear Mr. Dad: I am currently dating a divorced father of two. I am having trouble communicating to him that being a good father does not exempt him from being a good partner. How can I get him to see my point of view without putting him on the defensive?

A: In a perfect world, you’re right–being a good father wouldn’t exempt your boyfriend from being a good partner. But I have to tell you that most single dads would make the same choice. Their priority is their children—giving them stability and protecting them from going through another breakup. When dating a divorced dad you have to understand that his kids are part of the package. You can’t have one without the other. And if you ever put him in a situation where he feels he has to choose between the kids and you, he’ll go with them every time.
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Dear Mr. Dad: I’m traveling alone with my 3-month old daughter and my 4-year old son over Spring break. It’ll be a long flight and I’m already dreading it. How can I make it easier on myself, my kids, and the people around is?

A: Air travel is already plenty stressful. Throw in two young kids and your hair will turn grey just thinking about it. For many traveling parents, the problems start when they try to get everyone through security. You can reduce some of the stress by putting everyone in slip-on shoes (you’ll all have to take them off—even the baby), and having the baby in some kind of wearable carrier (as long as it doesn’t have any metal parts you should be able to leave it on).
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Dear Mr. Dad: My six-year-old son has suddenly begun cheating at games, at school, in sports—pretty much every chance he gets. This has come out of the blue. I can’t help feeling it’s a moral issue. How can I nip it in the bud?

A: If you hadn’t told me your son’s age, I’d have guessed it within a year or so. The good news is that he’s right on schedule for the little social experiment he’s conducting.

A very powerful thing happens in child development right around age six. Developmental psychologists call it Theory of Mind—the point when kids begin to truly grasp that other people experience the world from their own unique perspective, and that they don’t always know what’s going on in other people’s heads. Before that, kids have a kind of “universal mind” idea, believing that everyone sees and experiences things in the same way and shares the same knowledge.
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Dear Mr. Dad: My husband and I are in our late thirties. We have a 4-year old daughter and would love to have a second child. But with the financial crisis, we’re having trouble keeping our heads above water and feel that we’re in no position to bring another child into the world. We are both heartbroken about it because we come from large families, and we certainly didn’t want our daughter to be an only child. How do we make sure she turns out ok?

A: Since plenty of couples have kids well into their forties, being in your late thirties shouldn’t be a deciding factor. However, the tough economy is forcing all of us to reorder our priorities and reconsider a lot of big decisions. And having a second child certainly qualifies. If you’re struggling to pay your bills now, imagine how much more difficult it would be to provide for an additional member of your family. (If only that mother with the octuplets would have been thinking as clearly as you are.)
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Dear Mr. Dad: I’m 15 years old and in the 10th grade. I will turn 16 just after school lets out for the summer and I want to get a job. However, my father won’t let me. He says that I’m too young and that he works to support his family. I think I understand his point, but I don’t like to ask my parents for money and I want to have my own.

A: Wow. I must commend you for your desire to work during your summer vacation—and for starting to think of it so far in advance. It shows maturity and level-headedness that many kids your age (and older) lack. So kudos to you. Be careful, though, there are parents all over the country who would love to have you come to their house to give their teens a pep talk.
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