Dear Mr. Dad: My wife has recently begun to worry that our kids spend too much time in front of the TV, computer, and video games. While I agree that it’s too much, I remember watching loads of television as a kid, and I turned out okay. Is all the hype about “screen time” really something to be concerned about?

A: This topic reminds me of the pickle so many baby boomer parents are in when talking about premarital sex or smoking marijuana—how can I tell my kids not to do the things I did when I was their age? My parents weren’t big TV watchers, but I could hardly wait for them to go out for the evening so I could settle into a comfortable evening of Batman, Superman, The Three Stooges, and a lot more. So why worry about our kids doing the same? Well, there are two issues here: content and time.

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Dear Mr. Dad: Our daughter will turn five this summer, just three weeks before the cutoff for kindergarten. If I send her to kindergarten this year, she’d be the youngest in her class. How do I know whether she’s actually ready?

A: Welcome to the first of many life-and-death decisions about your child’s education! I’m kidding, of course, but it certainly feels that way, doesn’t it? Like most parenting decisions, rest assured that the decision about when to start kindergarten isn’t half as consequential as we tend to think. There are roughly equal advantages and disadvantages to being the youngest and the oldest in class, so that really shouldn’t be the basis of your decision. More important is your last question: How do you know when your child is ready?

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Dear Mr. Dad: My wife and I took our teenage son, a high-school senior, to visit a few of the colleges he’d like to apply to. For the most part they seemed great, everything a parent could want for his child—except affordable! How does anyone afford college these days?

A: I’m so glad you wrote—my daughter and I just came back from a similar trip and I was amazed that admissions directors could actually say the words, “$52,000 per year” with a straight face. Unfortunately, though, tuition sticker shock is no joke. According to the National Postsecondary Student Aid Study, two-thirds of four-year students graduate with an average student loan debt of nearly $20,000. One-fourth of those students borrow $24,936 or more, while a tenth borrow $35,213 or more. Those figures are probably a little lower for state schools, a lot higher for private schools.

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Dear Mr. Dad: My two-year-old is a terror on a playdate! He seems completely incapable of sharing toys and even grabs toys out of the hands of his little friends. I spend half of my time apologizing for him to other moms and dads. What can I do?

What a great question—reminds me of a poster one of my children’s day care providers had on her wall called “The Toddler’s Rules of Ownership.” Here are a few samples

• If I like it, it’s mine.
• If it’s in my hands, it’s mine.
• If I can take it from you, it’s mine.
• If I had it a week ago, it’s mine.
• If it’s your and I steal it, it’s mine.

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Dear Mr. Dad: I have a very curious four-year-old girl—always asking questions and exploring. I know kids often lose this curiosity as they get older. What’s the best way to help a child stay curious and engaged?

A: There’s nothing like taking a walk with preschoolers. Every leaf and sidewalk crack seems to grab their attention. But somewhere along the line, as we grow up, we develop the ability to walk past absolute miracles without so much as putting down our cell phones.

Fortunately, there’s some good news about trying to nurture your child’s curiosity: she was born curious. So you’re looking at things in exactly the right way—trying to help her keep something she already has instead of acquire something new from scratch.
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Dear Mr. Dad: My kids never help around the house unless I berate them into doing so. I know this is my fault as much as theirs, but I want to turn it around. How can I get my kids to carry their weight?

A: Parents have been complaining that their kids don’t pull their weight around the house for as long as there have been kids. I heard it from my parents who heard it from theirs, and so on all the way back to some Cro-Magnon relative of mine who complained that his children spent all their time drawing on the cave walls and refused to clean up their mastodon bones. And, as in previous generations, today’s parents find themselves saying things like, “Kids these days….” or “When I was a kid…”

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Dear Mr. Dad: My three-year-old daughter insists that I play dolls with her. Maybe it’s the way I was brought up, but I just can’t bring myself to do it—seems too girly for me. My wife says my playing with our daughter will help her in the future. Is that true? And if so, do you have some advice on how to get over my discomfort?

A: First, let me congratulate you on making the right choice—trying to find ways to get over your discomfort is much, much better than trying to find ways to tell your daughter you can’t play with her.

To answer your first question, your wife is absolutely right: playing with your daughter will help her in a variety of important ways. To start with, having a chance to play with you will send her over the moon with joy. But besides that, when your daughter plays with dolls she’s learning a ton of skills that will help her throughout her life. In the short-term, she’s learning how to tie, snap, button, and dress. Long term, she’s discovering who she is. Plus, she’s getting a lot of hands-on practice soothing and caring for babies—something that will come in handy when she makes you a grandfather. All in all, research shows that girls whose dads play with them grow up to be more assertive (in a good way), have more (and better) friends, do better in school, are more self-sufficient, and are less likely to smoke, abuse drugs or alcohol, go to prison, or get pregnant as teens. Pretty powerful stuff.

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Dear Mr. Dad: We’re planning our first big family road trip this summer, and I mean big! We’ve got three kids under seven. How can we keep them from going crazy and driving us nuts too?

A: Ah, there’s nothing like the family road trip to bring out the worst in parent and child alike. Fortunately, a little careful planning can make a world of difference.

The biggest problem for a child on a road trip is the endless, unmarked stretch of time. listening to the endless thrum of the pavement. As adults, we can look at the clock or the odometer and gauge how much time is left until the next break, the next meal, or stopping for the night. Young kids can’t do that.

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Dear Mr. Dad: I hear more and more that all children should have some formal music study. Is that true? What are the benefits, and how young should they start?

A: You can’t even swing a violin around in a bookstore anymore without hitting a book that claims that music is the answer to your every parental wish, from boosting intelligence to nurturing creative genius. A lot of these claims are exaggerated, but others are supported by solid research. More on that in a minute.

But first, the best reason to get your child involved in music is that it’s fun! Who doesn’t like music? And when it comes to exposing a child to music, there’s no such thing as too young—so keep your CD player and iPod well stocked with a wide variety of musical styles (yes, even some you aren’t wild about yourself) and just allow your child to listen.

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Dear Mr. Dad: When I was a kid, I remember learning about the importance of charity and generosity and helping others less fortunate. But it seems to me that kids these days aren’t learning those lessons. Is it possible to discourage selfishness and encourage generosity in my kids?

A: The best thing about the phrase “it’s better to give than to receive” is that it’s actually true—especially for kids.

Because we’re continually doing things for our kids, they’re very comfortable being on the receiving end. We give them food, clothing, and everything else they need. But we’ve all seen what happens when the shoe’s on the other foot. Give them a chance to step outside the receiving role and experience the satisfaction of being the generous one, and they vibrate with excitement. They feel grown up. It empowers them.

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