Dear Mr. Dad: Grandma spoils our preschool twins to death! Whenever they’re with her, they seem to get free run of the house—with no rules. When we pick them up, they need an attitude adjustment to bring their whining and rudeness under control. How can we get my wife’s mother to supervise them more appropriately?

A: The old saying about grandparents is true—they get to spoil the grandkids, stuff them full of treats, and then send them home to Mom and Dad. Fortunately, the “damage” usually isn’t too heavy and it’s relatively easily corrected. But sometimes the effects last a little longer, especially with kids who are at the age when they disagree with parents over just about anything (which could be toddlers and preschoolers or teenagers—amazing similarities between the two groups).
Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Mr. Dad: My seven-year old’s birthday is coming up and he’s been asking for all the latest tech gadgets. Can’t kids these days have fun without electricity? Got any suggestions?

A: I have to confess that I’m something of a gadget-loving techie. But I’m also tired of fancy electronic toys and games that get used once and tossed–and I think kids are too. Feeling nostalgic for “the good old days,” I put out the word that I was looking for low- and no-tech games and activities. I wasn’t expecting many suggestions, but the response was incredible. So here are a number of simple, wholesome, no-batteries-required, and sometimes-free ways you and your kids can have a ton of fun this summer and beyond.
Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Mr. Dad: My kindergartener has begun swearing around the house when he’s frustrated or angry. I’m terrified that he’ll do it in front of his grandparents or at school. How can I nip this in the bud before it becomes a real problem?

A: Just as most parents never forget their child’s first step or the first tooth, it’s hard to forget the first time our sweet baby opens those innocent little lips and lets lose with a loud “damn it”—or worse. It can also be hard to put it in perspective, and we tend to immediately imagine a slippery slope leading from profanity directly to the penitentiary.

Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Mr. Dad: I remember my own childhood as a time of wonder, but we always seem to be flying in different directions all the time, and the kids don’t get time to just stare into space and be amazed. How can parents in a typical, busy, overscheduled family encourage a sense of wonder in their kids?

A: There’s a reason that old TV show was called The Wonder Years. All sorts of developmental windows are open wide during childhood—for learning languages, for instilling values, for developing musical and verbal abilities, and more—but they don’t stay open forever.

Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Mr. Dad: My wife has recently begun to worry that our kids spend too much time in front of the TV, computer, and video games. While I agree that it’s too much, I remember watching loads of television as a kid, and I turned out okay. Is all the hype about “screen time” really something to be concerned about?

A: This topic reminds me of the pickle so many baby boomer parents are in when talking about premarital sex or smoking marijuana—how can I tell my kids not to do the things I did when I was their age? My parents weren’t big TV watchers, but I could hardly wait for them to go out for the evening so I could settle into a comfortable evening of Batman, Superman, The Three Stooges, and a lot more. So why worry about our kids doing the same? Well, there are two issues here: content and time.

Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Mr. Dad: Our daughter will turn five this summer, just three weeks before the cutoff for kindergarten. If I send her to kindergarten this year, she’d be the youngest in her class. How do I know whether she’s actually ready?

A: Welcome to the first of many life-and-death decisions about your child’s education! I’m kidding, of course, but it certainly feels that way, doesn’t it? Like most parenting decisions, rest assured that the decision about when to start kindergarten isn’t half as consequential as we tend to think. There are roughly equal advantages and disadvantages to being the youngest and the oldest in class, so that really shouldn’t be the basis of your decision. More important is your last question: How do you know when your child is ready?

Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Mr. Dad: My wife and I took our teenage son, a high-school senior, to visit a few of the colleges he’d like to apply to. For the most part they seemed great, everything a parent could want for his child—except affordable! How does anyone afford college these days?

A: I’m so glad you wrote—my daughter and I just came back from a similar trip and I was amazed that admissions directors could actually say the words, “$52,000 per year” with a straight face. Unfortunately, though, tuition sticker shock is no joke. According to the National Postsecondary Student Aid Study, two-thirds of four-year students graduate with an average student loan debt of nearly $20,000. One-fourth of those students borrow $24,936 or more, while a tenth borrow $35,213 or more. Those figures are probably a little lower for state schools, a lot higher for private schools.

Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Mr. Dad: My two-year-old is a terror on a playdate! He seems completely incapable of sharing toys and even grabs toys out of the hands of his little friends. I spend half of my time apologizing for him to other moms and dads. What can I do?

What a great question—reminds me of a poster one of my children’s day care providers had on her wall called “The Toddler’s Rules of Ownership.” Here are a few samples

• If I like it, it’s mine.
• If it’s in my hands, it’s mine.
• If I can take it from you, it’s mine.
• If I had it a week ago, it’s mine.
• If it’s your and I steal it, it’s mine.

Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Mr. Dad: I have a very curious four-year-old girl—always asking questions and exploring. I know kids often lose this curiosity as they get older. What’s the best way to help a child stay curious and engaged?

A: There’s nothing like taking a walk with preschoolers. Every leaf and sidewalk crack seems to grab their attention. But somewhere along the line, as we grow up, we develop the ability to walk past absolute miracles without so much as putting down our cell phones.

Fortunately, there’s some good news about trying to nurture your child’s curiosity: she was born curious. So you’re looking at things in exactly the right way—trying to help her keep something she already has instead of acquire something new from scratch.
Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Mr. Dad: My kids never help around the house unless I berate them into doing so. I know this is my fault as much as theirs, but I want to turn it around. How can I get my kids to carry their weight?

A: Parents have been complaining that their kids don’t pull their weight around the house for as long as there have been kids. I heard it from my parents who heard it from theirs, and so on all the way back to some Cro-Magnon relative of mine who complained that his children spent all their time drawing on the cave walls and refused to clean up their mastodon bones. And, as in previous generations, today’s parents find themselves saying things like, “Kids these days….” or “When I was a kid…”

Read the rest of this entry »