Dear Mr. Dad: My wife and I took our teenage son, a high-school senior, to visit a few of the colleges he’d like to apply to. For the most part they seemed great, everything a parent could want for his child—except affordable! How does anyone afford college these days?

A: I’m so glad you wrote—my daughter and I just came back from a similar trip and I was amazed that admissions directors could actually say the words, “$52,000 per year” with a straight face. Unfortunately, though, tuition sticker shock is no joke. According to the National Postsecondary Student Aid Study, two-thirds of four-year students graduate with an average student loan debt of nearly $20,000. One-fourth of those students borrow $24,936 or more, while a tenth borrow $35,213 or more. Those figures are probably a little lower for state schools, a lot higher for private schools.

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Dear Mr. Dad: My kids never help around the house unless I berate them into doing so. I know this is my fault as much as theirs, but I want to turn it around. How can I get my kids to carry their weight?

A: Parents have been complaining that their kids don’t pull their weight around the house for as long as there have been kids. I heard it from my parents who heard it from theirs, and so on all the way back to some Cro-Magnon relative of mine who complained that his children spent all their time drawing on the cave walls and refused to clean up their mastodon bones. And, as in previous generations, today’s parents find themselves saying things like, “Kids these days….” or “When I was a kid…”

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Dear Mr. Dad: When I was a kid, I remember learning about the importance of charity and generosity and helping others less fortunate. But it seems to me that kids these days aren’t learning those lessons. Is it possible to discourage selfishness and encourage generosity in my kids?

A: The best thing about the phrase “it’s better to give than to receive” is that it’s actually true—especially for kids.

Because we’re continually doing things for our kids, they’re very comfortable being on the receiving end. We give them food, clothing, and everything else they need. But we’ve all seen what happens when the shoe’s on the other foot. Give them a chance to step outside the receiving role and experience the satisfaction of being the generous one, and they vibrate with excitement. They feel grown up. It empowers them.

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Dear Mr. Dad: I am getting remarried in a few months. I have two teens, 12 and 15, and my fiancé has custody of his 14-year-old. We will be moving to a new house to start our lives together as a family. Any advice on how to make this transition as smooth as possible?

A: Welcome to the wonderful world of blended families. And you certainly aren’t alone. In fact, one in three Americans is a stepparent, stepchild, stepsibling, or other member of an extended stepfamily.

Combining two families into one requires careful planning, open communication, and lots of patience. So if you’re fantasizing that your new brood will be just like “The Brady Bunch,” you’re about to find out that real life is not quite that rosy.
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Dear Mr. Dad: I’m a single dad who has been raising my 14-year old daughter alone for the last five years. While we’ve always been close, I’ve noticed it’s becoming harder for us to talk lately. She’s open with me about her grades, but when it comes to talking about her personal life she clams up. I’m worried that she doesn’t feel comfortable talking to me about personal matters. How can I encourage her to open up?

A: Dads and daughters often run into rough patches when little girls start growing into young women, so part of what you’re experiencing is normal. But it must be especially disappointing to you, as a single dad, because when you started raising her alone, she was just nine years old and probably was happy to gush all the details of her life and her friends.

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Dear Mr. Dad: I’d like to get my kids started on an allowance, but I’m in information overload. Is there a way to set up a meaningful and reasonable allowance system for my kids?

A: You’re right—there are few other issues with as many often-contradictory opinions, and since the topic of allowance touches on money and responsibility, it isn’t surprising that so many of those opinions are so fiercely held.

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Dear Mr. Dad: During the recent fires in Southern California, my kids seemed fascinated. It seemed like a a good time to talk to them about fire safety, but aside from “Don’t play with matches,” I have no idea how to go about it. What are the basic ideas I need to get across, and how can we make our home as fire-safe as possible?

A: Good for you for recognizing the need. Too few parents do, and the results are often tragic. Children set over 100,000 fires per year—one every five minutes. Over 4,000 Americans die each year as the result of fire, including more than 600 children. Property damage in 2006 alone totaled over $11 billion, and more people die in the U.S. as a result of fire than all natural disasters combined.

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Dear Mr. Dad: In the past two weeks I’ve heard from three friends whose children have been hurt in a fall at home. I thought my childproofing days were behind me, but now I’m worried that the same thing could happen at my house. What can I do to make sure my kids are safe in their own home?

A: Great question. There are nearly 6000 fall-related deaths every year in the US, and falls are the No.1 reason for injury and death caused at home. In fact, children are at risk for taking a fall from the time they start crawling until they’re well into their pre-teens. Fall-proofing your house doesn’t have to be a big, complicated, or expensive deal. But it will require some effort. And fortunately, it’s never to late to start.

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Dear Mr. Dad: I generally have a very even temper as a parent, but once in a while, little things build up and POW! I completely lose my cool. The kids look terrified when it happens, and I always hate myself for that. How can I control my temper?

A: Okay, everyone who’s NEVER gone ballistic in front of their kids, raise your hand. Come on, get ‘em up there…

Just as I thought. No hands!

The first thing you need to do is to take it easy on yourself. Every parent who lives outside of a 1950s TV show gets angry at times. It’s an absolutely normal and acceptable response to frustration. We all know how infuriating it can be when your child translates your “NOW” into “when I’m good and ready,” or when your third, calm, request to do—or stop doing—something is completely ignored.

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Dear Mr. Dad. I have repeatedly asked my 17-year old son for help keeping our home neat. He says he will, but I don’t see any change. My wife and I work full time and we simply can’t do everything on our own (and, given that he’s 17, we think he should be pitching in a lot more.) How can I convince him to help?

A: Must be something in the water… My own teenagers (14 and 17) have very much the same problem, and I’ve heard similar complaints from just about every other parent I know who has teens. Across the board, it seems to be a matter of perception: To the parents, the house is a mess. But to the teens, everthing looks just fine. In the words of my kids, “lighten up, Dad, it’s no big deal.”

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