Dear Mr. Dad: I’m in charge of installing our 16-month old daughter’s car seat and my wife says I need to turn it around to rear-facing again because there’s a new regulation. But my daughter loves looking forward. Is it really necessary to make her face rear again?

A: Your wife is referring to the updated recommendations by the American Academy of Pediatrics (probably the most reliable source of information on children’s health and safety) that were published in April 2011. Until then, the APP advised parents to strap their babies into rear-facing car seats until they were at least a year old or weighed 20 pounds—whichever came latest. The new recommendation is to keep toddlers facing backwards until age two, or until they reach the maximum height and weight limits for their rear-facing car seat.

The Academy based its new policy on some recent research that indicates that rear-facing car seats better distribute the force from an impact. That, in turn, protects the baby’s delicate neck, spine, and head in the event of a crash. These findings are pretty conclusive: One of the studies, done in 2007, revealed that kids under two are 75 percent less likely to die or be severely injured in an accident if they’re facing the rear. Since 1997, the number of children killed in crashes has steadily decreased. But with 5,000 children dying as a result of auto accidents every year, crashes are still the leading cause of death for children over age four. In addition to the fatalities about 90,000 children are injured badly enough to require hospitalization and two million suffer injuries that require some kind of medical attention.

As you can see, car seats are serious business. But the Academy’s new recommendations are just guidelines and have no legal authority (at least not yet). Hopefully, though, I’ve got you convinced that you should wait a while longer before having your daughter face forward—no matter how much she wants to see where she’s going instead of where she’s been. Depending on how big she gets and what kind of seat she’s in, she may actually outgrow her rear-facing car seat before she hits two. Or, if she’s small, she may have to wait even longer.

Every state has its own car-seat regulations. Some set very specific age and weight limits (or minimums) and clearly state when it’s okay to switch from rear-facing to front-facing. Others simply require that a child be kept in a “child safety seat” up to a certain age (usually four), without specifying which way that seat should face. After that, you can switch to a booster seat until age seven or so. (The Academy, however, also revised its recommendations for older kids, advising that they stay in booster seats until they’re 57 inches tall—4 foot 9—a height some kids won’t reach before age 12.) And if you’ve looked at your car’s sun visors lately, you’ve probably seen the warnings that children under 12 or 13 should never be allowed to ride in the vehicle’s front seat.

Bottom line: Assuming that your 16-month old daughter is over 20 pounds, it’s not currently against the law to have her facing front (as long as she’s in the back seat of the car). However, why take unnecessary risks? The evidence is crystal clear on this one: she’ll be a lot safer facing the other direction.

Dear Mr. Dad: I've heard drowning is a big risk for kids, especially toddlers. Now that it's summer, should I sign my baby up for swim lessons? If so, what age is appropriate to start?

A: Whoever told you that drowning is a big risk is exactly right. In fact, drowning is a leading cause of injury-related deaths among children under five. Toddlers 12 to 36 months are at the highest risk. But that’s not all. While everyone is focusing on drowning (as they should be), victims who almost drown often end up with medical problems that can plague them for the rest of their lives. These can include: brain damage, seizures, learning disabilities, paralysis, and other respiratory, cardiovascular, and neuromuscular disorders.

The chance of your child drowning is greatest in warm weather states like California and Florida, but can—and does—happen anywhere. Across the nation, nearly half of child drownings occur in freshwater lakes, rivers, and canals; about 30 percent happen in swimming pools—even inflatable ones; about 10 percent in homes (in bathtubs, buckets and even toilets); and a small percentage in the ocean. In a lot of cases, parents are actually close by but assume that they’d hear if their child was drowning. Unfortunately, toddlers, as you’ve no doubt noticed, are top heavy so they’re likely to fall into water head first and can drown silently in minutes. (It doesn’t take much—a child can drown in as little as a few inches of water).

Given how scary these statistics are (at least I hope they are), it’s natural to want to decrease your child’s risk of drowning. But there’s a lot of debate on whether swim lesson for toddlers are effective drowning prevention. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends lessons for all kids four and up but doesn’t recommend them for kids under a year. They recently updated their policy on toddlers and preschoolers and now say that swim lessons and water safety classes may decrease their risk of drowning. Many swim schools offer classes for toddlers, and even infants, in order to build a foundation necessary for further instruction. And some organizations, such as Infant Swimming Resource (ISR), focus on teaching babies basic water survival skills, such as rolling over and floating in water.

Some experts advise waiting until six months to introduce babies to water because newborns get cold easily and are particularly susceptible to illness and the chemicals in pools. Between 6 and 24 months is generally a great time to introduce your tyke to the water. At this age most babies are ready for a mommy (or daddy) & me classes and can begin getting comfortable –and having fun– in the water. When looking for a baby swim class, be sure the pool is heated to 92 degrees and has some shelter from direct sun. (And outfit your baby in a swim diaper to avoid adding any presents to the pool.)

Between three and four years of age most children are developmentally ready for formal swimming lessons (without a parent in the water) where they begin to learn actual swimming skills. Whatever you decide to do, though, the most important thing to remember is that swim lessons do not magically protect your child. An adult must always be present—and focused on the children—when kids are in the water. And never, ever leave your child in the care of another child (unless the older one is

Dear Mr. Dad. This is a little touchy but here goes. I have two sons ages 11 and 9. My oldest seems overly shy when it comes to changing clothes in front of other guys. My golfing buddy (whose kids are the same age as mine) and I occasionally take our boys to the country club pool. Because of pool chemicals, we insist that the boys shower and change clothes after swimming. The showers and locker room are communal. Even when it’s only our boys in the locker room they say my son showers in his swimsuit and then goes in a toilet stall to change. I talked with him in private and told him there's nothing wrong with being naked in a locker room, but it hasn't helped. Should I be concerned? My buddy thinks I should force him to change with the others to help him get over his shyness. Is he right?

A: Don’t listen to your buddy. Forcing your son to get naked in front of others will only make the situation worse.

Taking your son aside for a private conversation was great first step, but you’ll need to have another heart-to-heart (or two or three) to find out what he’s truly worried about. There are a lot of possibilities:

Is he shy or self-conscious? Some kids are just plain private. If he’s one of them, either let him keep doing his routine or have him shower at home. However, you might point out that taking a shower in his swimsuit might attract even more attention than just being nude. Also tell him that he’s in the majority: most people don’t like communal showers. In fact, it’s so common that many public schools have either installed private showers or banned showers altogether.

Is he different? Tweens are notoriously cruel to anyone who doesn’t seem normal (and their definition of “normal” can be pretty harsh). If your son is overweight or skinny, too tall or too thin, has straight hair or curly, he may fear that the other kids will make fun of him.

How mature is he? If your son is going through puberty and has spouted more chest and genital hair than other kids his age, he may feel embarrassed about his body. The same is true if he has less hair than the other guys. He needs to know that people mature at different ages and speeds. If you’re really worried, talk with his pediatrician.
Is he worried about hygiene? Locker rooms are breeding grounds for all sorts of fungi and bacteria. And showers—despite the fact that there’s a lot of soap around—aren’t much better. People aren’t supposed to spit or urinate in there, but we all know that plenty do.

Below the belt. Most males over the age of 10 feel the need to compare themselves with others. If your son is circumcised and many of the other kids aren’t—or vice versa—he may dread being different. If he’s ever had an erection in the shower (which is very, very common and can be triggered by something as simple as warm water running on his crotch), he may be mortified. And then there’s the daddy of all shower problems: size. This is another issue of people maturing at different rates. Chances are, your son is just fine in this area. You can reassure him that most of the other kids will be so worried about their own package that they won’t be paying any attention to his.

Dear Mr. Dad: Recently, my wife's father passed away after a very long illness. My son, who just turned six, seems to be taking it in stride, but I can tell that he really doesn't understand what's going on. How can I explain to him what happened to his grandfather in terms that he'll understand? Or should I even worry about it? Is he too young to really understand the meaning of death?

A: Let me start by offering my condolences to your family.

The short answer to your question is that while your son does understand that something pretty significant has changed (after all, his grandfather isn’t there anymore), you’re right: he isn’t old enough to fully understand what death is. Even at his young age, he’s already had some experience with death—seeing dead bugs and insects, road kill animals, perhaps even the death of a pet. But he’s too young to truly grasp how permanent death is (that’s a concept that may be hard for older kids too—in the age of video games, if a character dies, all you have to do is restart the game and life goes on). So you’ll need to do some age-appropriate explaining.

At six, how quickly and fully your son understands will largely be a function of how mature he is. But there are several important ground rules. First, be prepared to answer questions—you may get a whole slew of them all at once, you may get the same one over and over, or some combination of the two. For that reason, be sure to make it clear to your son that it’s okay to ask as many questions as he has, as often as he wants to ask them. Keep in mind that for at least another few years, your child will be processing just about everything that happens to him through the “how is this going to affect ME?” filter. He may not be asking the question, but he’s definitely thinking about whether—and when—the same thing will happen to him (even if he’s not quite sure what that means).

Second, explain what death is, but be careful. Telling him that grandpa was very sick and that his body stopped working is a good place to start. But stay far, far away from euphemisms like “grandpa fell asleep,” or “he went away,” or “we lost grandpa.” Most of us—adults included—don’t really like talking about death, so we come up with all sorts of ways to avoid talking about what actually happened. But if you don’t give clear, simple explanations, your son’s imagination will kick in and you could end up with a child who’s petrified of falling asleep, having people go away for a while, or of losing anything (including himself). Again, be prepared to answer his questions again and again.

Third, if your child doesn’t ask many questions, encourage him. Ask him whether he misses grandpa—and let him know that you do too. If you think he’s having trouble coming to terms with the death, ask him to draw a picture of a happy memory he has of his grandfather. That can help him deal with the loss in his own way, plus it can start the important process of keeping his grandfather’s memory alive.

Finally, don't worry if you don't have all the answers to his questions. Give him as much information as you can without making stuff up. And let him know that you’ll find out whatever it is you don’t know and get back to him.

Dear Mr. Dad: As the school year draws to a close, I’m getting worried about my 9-year old daughter. She’s just an average student and really hates to do homework. I worry that she’ll forget a lot of what she learned over this past year and she’ll start fifth grade even further behind than she already is. What can we do?

A: I’m torn about this. On one hand, I think summers are a time for resting up, having fun, giving the mind a little time to recharge. Unfortunately, with so many kids booked into wall-to-wall camps and activities, summer can be even busier than the school year and recharging—at least mentally—is out of the question.

On the other hand, there’s the Summer Brain Drain, which is exactly what you’re worried about. Students lose, on average, 2 – 2.5 months of academic skills over the summer. Math and spelling are the subjects that get hit the hardest. Put a little differently, teachers have to spend the first month or two of the academic year reviewing material students learned—but didn’t retain—the year before. Here are a few ideas for how you might be able to plug the brain drain—or at least slow the leak down…

• Visit the library. Most have great summer reading programs, complete with prizes for achieving reading goals.
• Read at home. You and your child should take turns reading to each other every night, for 15-30 minutes each.
• Look into summer schools. Sadly, only 10-20 percent of students attend one. But if your child is already weak in a subject or two, this is a great time to catch up—or possibly even get ahead.
• Ask the teacher your child will have next year to let you borrow a few textbooks. He or she may be able to give you a summer reading list. At the very least, you can make doing a handful of math problems a prerequisite for playing computer games.
• Don’t forget about writing. I’m not just talking about spelling and grammar—although both are important. I recently interviewed Jennifer Hallissy, author of The Write Start, who told me that “the speed and ease of children’s writing can have a major impact on their overall academic success.” Efficient writers take better notes—which makes studying a lot easier, regardless of the subject—and consistently get higher scores on written exams. Jennifer’s book has dozens of easy-to-implement activities for kids of any age.
• Make learning fun. Of course, there are the usual standbys: trips to the zoo, museums, and planetariums. But you might also check out a few books that are filled with fun, entertaining (and, gasp, educational—but your child will never notice) activities. I’m really like the Geek Dad series by Ken Denmead, The Daring Book for Girls series by AndreaBuchanan and Miriam Peskowitz, and Sean Connolly’s The Book of Potentially Catastrophic Science, which isn’t nearly as dangerous as it sounds.

With the big day just around the corner, we’ve been working frantically to evaluate our largest-ever field of submissions for the MrDad.com Seal of Approval and GreatDad Recommends awards. This season’s winners include:

<ul>

<li>A very cool, reusable kit for building a kid-sized fire station, from Box-O-Mania (boxomania.com)
<li>Spanish language learning DVDs and CDs, from Whistlefritz (whistlefritz.com)
<li>A fun, Jack-in-the-Beanstalk play-and-book-in-a-box from InnovativeKids (innovativekids.com)
<li>Web Hunt and Oh, Really? Two engaging family games from Find It Games (finditgames.com)

</ul>
The complete list—as well as submission guidelines for new products and services—is at mrdad.com/seal.

Dear Mr. Dad: I hope this doesn’t sound too crazy, but here goes. My 7-year old son has been telling me for a while that he “hears colors.” I asked him what he meant and he told me that when he says the alphabet or counts, or when people say certain words, he sometimes sees colors. At first I thought he might be having some kind of hallucinations, but he seems perfectly fine in every other area of his life. Is this anything to worry about?

A: From what you describe, it sounds like your son may have a neurological condition called synesthesia. That’s when stimulating one sense—such as your son’s sense of hearing—also triggers the sensation of another one—the colors he perceives. (I have to admit that I only recently learned about synesthesia while doing an interview with Maureen Seaberg, the author of a fascinating book called, Tasting the Universe.

While synesthesia is a condition, it’s by no means a disease. In fact, many see it as a gift, and research shows that synesthetes (people who have synesthesia) often have higher-than-average IQs. While the condition (there’s that word again) may affect as much as five percent of the population, it tends to run in families, and it’s much more common among artists, writers, other creative people (synesthetes are also more likely to be left handed.)

There are actually quite a few different types of synesthesia which can involve any of the senses (although usually only two at a time). Some find that reading, saying, or even thinking certain words triggers a taste, which may explain why these folks sometimes have trouble focusing on what they’re reading. Others, like your son, see colors when they read. Still others hear sounds when they move in certain ways or even see certain kinds of movement. Personally, I find this stuff absolutely fascinating.

What’s especially interesting is that for kids, the connection between the senses may change—the numbers your son sees as turquoise today may be a different color later. But in adulthood, things solidify. For example, if the word antelope is blue or smells like licorice, or if Lady Gaga’s voice tastes like strawberries, it always will.

Quite a few famous people have or had synesthesia. In an interview with Seaberg, violinist Itzhak Perlman says that when he plays a B-flat on the G string he sees a deep forest green, while an A on the E string is red. Musician and producer Pharnell Williams (who’s written songs for Justin Timberlake, Madonna, Britney Spears, Gwen Stefani, Nelly, and many more) says that his music-to-color synesthesia is his “only reference for understanding.” Nobel laureate physicist Richard Feynman saw equations in color. And actress Tilda Swinton hears food: The word “table,” for example, tastes like cake, while the word “tomato,” reportedly tastes like a lemon instead of, well, a tomato.

So the bottom line is that unless your son’s affects your son’s life in a negative way, there’s nothing to worry about. But if you truly are worried, ask your pediatrician for some guidance. If you’re interested in finding out more about synesthesia on your own, Tasting the Universe is a great place to start. The Synesthesia Resource Center (bluecatsandchartreusekittens.com) has all sorts of tasty pieces of information. You might also want to have your son take the synesthesia battery at synesthete.org. In fact, take it yourself.