Dear Mr. Dad: When I married my husband, my biological son was 5. My husband adopted him two years later. My husband is financially and spiritually supportive, but he doesn’t seem interested in playing or doing "dad" type stuff with our son. I would love for him to initiate catch, going to batting cages, or anything family oriented, but he doesn’t. I’m starting to resent that all he wants to do is work on the house on weekends. Help me understand him.

A: There are all sorts of reasons that could explain your husband's behavior. When he became part of your son's life, he had already "missed" five years, along with the familiarity, confidence, and competence that comes from being there from the very beginning. As a result, he may simply not know what to do with the boy. This is especially true if he was an only child or had little or no experience with young kids.
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Dear Mr. Dad: Our son is only 10, but he is already extremely overweight. He loves food and we don’t want to deny him his favorite dishes, but we’re starting to get worried about his health. What should we do?

A: You’re absolutely right to be concerned. Obesity in this country is a huge problem. And it’s getting bigger by the day. Back in the 1960s, fewer than one in ten kids 6-19 were considered overweight. Today it’s more than one in three. Put a little differently, when you were growing up, the average child drank three glasses of milk for every one of soda. Today, kids are drinking twice as much soda as milk.
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Dear Mr. Dad: We can’t afford to send our two kids, 5 and 7, to Winter camp, so it’s going to be just me and them for the next two weeks. What are some activities I can plan with the kids so we can stay warm but not spend the whole day in front of the TV?

A: Keeping kids from turning into TV-loving zombies isn’t always easy—especially when it’s cold out. Fortunately, there are plenty of activities that can keep kids of all ages busy during the cold winter months.

If you have a sand or water table that’s collecting puddles of rain in the backyard, bring it inside, fill it up with dried beans, rice, or moon sand (check the Web for inexpensive recipes), and let the kids start sifting. It’s a little messy, but the hours of fun will make it worthwhile. If you don’t have a table, use a hard plastic baby pool.
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Dear Mr. Dad: Our 9-year-old son is a habitual liar. He fibs even about the smallest, most insignificant things. But whenever we challenge him, he stands his ground and tries to convince us he’s telling the truth. What can we do?

A: Before we get to the what-you-can-do part, we need to find out what’s going on and why. Children lie for a number of different reasons, primarily to impress others, boost their self-esteem, feel less insecure, or avoid punishment. (Hmmm. The same reasons many adults lie, too.)

For example, your son might be bragging to his friends about all the latest games he has in his room—even though you can’t afford any of them. He may figure that if he told the truth, nobody would be interested in him. If he’s feeling especially insecure, he might spin some incredible yarns about his talents or abilities to help him feel better about himself.
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Dear Mr. Dad: My child’s mother and I never married and we split before the baby was born. Nevertheless, she and I used to share parenting equally. We compromised, worked out schedules, and we both spent lots of time with our daughter. But about a year ago, I got married. And immediately, the mother cut me back to seeing my daughter only every other weekend. Two months later, she moved in with a man. Since then, she barely lets me see my daughter at all. My wife and my little girl (who’s now three) have a very strong relationship. The mom and I have been fighting for over a year and I finally got her to agree to go to mediation with me to come up with a parenting plan. What can I reasonably ask for? How can I get anything when she has all the power just for being mom?

A: You put your finger on the problem perfectly–your child's mother has all the power simply because she's the mother. Well, nearly all the power.

Every time I address the issue of single fathers in this column, I hear from lawyers insisting that unmarried parents have the same rights as married ones. Well, that may be true on paper, but it’s rarely the way things play out in real life.

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Dear Mr. Dad: My nine-year old son has no interest in practicing sports. He says he wants to play in games but cringes whenever I mention that he need to go to practices too. I’ve been frustrated at his lack of interest and want to encourage him, but I don’t want to turn him off of sports. How can I approach this situation?

A: It's great that you're so conscious of the risk of turning your son off of sports, which is a very real possibility.

Sports for kids are great for a number of reasons. They teach valuable lessons about teamwork and the importance of sticking with things—even if in the face of losing. They also can teach good sportsmanship. A few weeks ago, my nephew’s soccer team was slaughtering their opponents. At the half, his coach got the team together and told them not to score any more goals, but to work on passing and ball control instead. What a wonderful lesson.

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Dear Mr. Dad: My wife and I are relatively well off and can give our kids whatever they want. But how can we be generous without spoiling them rotten?

A: First of all, change your perspective: think in terms of giving them what they need instead of what they want. That said, if by “generous” you mean giving your time and love to your children, there's no need to limit your generosity. The kids will benefit from spending time with you and your wife (and you will too), whether you're just hanging out, taking walks, talking, or doing something more structured–none of which needs to cost anything at all.

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Dear Mr. Dad: I can't help but notice that some of the kids at my daughter's daycare are way more verbal than she is. We read to her all the time and we're a chatty family so what gives? Are these parents doing something we're not?

A: First things first: not all children develop language skills at the same pace. And there’s no proven connection between the age at which kids start to speak and intelligence. That said, the differences you’ve noticed at your daughter’s daycare could be a matter of genetics or, as you suggested, the parents could be doing something extra that you and your spouse haven’t tried yet.
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Dear Mr. Dad: My daughter and son-in-law are raising their 4-year-old child with no discipline or boundaries. The boy is a little brat, screaming and throwing temper tantrums whenever he doesn’t get what he wants. I’ve tried speaking to my daughter about this but she just laughs it off. What should I do?

A: Oh, boy, that’s a tough one. I totally agree that raising a child without any boundaries, or, for that matter, discipline, is just plain bad parenting. Your daughter and son-in-law aren’t doing your grandson any favors by giving in to all his whims. Sooner or later, their lenient, anything-goes approach will backfire. (He’s already an unmanageable little tyrant. Imagine how much worse it’ll be as he gets older).

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Dear Mr. Dad: My 12-year-old daughter spent most of the summer at various camps and came back just before school started. While she was away she was allowed to stay up as late as she wanted. Now that she's home she's insisting that she's old enough to stay up late. I'm sure that it's unhealthy for her to get so little sleep, but I don't know how to get her back on track. Do you have any tips for me?

A: Bottom line, your daughter couldn't be more wrong. Sleep is important. Period. And not just for little kids. She might have spent the summer staying up late, but now that she’s back in school, it’s essential that she get back into a healthy sleep routine.

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