Dear Mr. Dad: You’ve written a lot about dads in the military, but I’m in the opposite situation—my wife is a deployed Marine, and I’m at home with the kids. I’m feeling completely overwhelmed. What can I do to support her and keep myself—and the kids–sane?

A: First of all, thank you both for your service. With women making up about 11 percent of deployed servicememebers, you’re not alone. Here are a few ideas that may help.

• Don’t fill your e-mails or phone calls with complaints or tell her about problems she can’t do anything to resolve. You’ll just frustrate her. But don’t paint an overly rosy picture either—she’ll get suspicious that you’re covering something up.
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Dear Mr. Dad: Over the past several months, our 12-year-old son has become increasingly moody, sad, and withdrawn. He has no friends and no interest in school or any other activities. When we ask him what’s wrong, he tells us to leave him alone and says that he doesn’t care what anyone thinks. Is it possible for a child this age to have depression?

A: Absolutely. For some reason I’ve never understood, a lot of people think that childhood depression is a myth (“oh, come on, what do kids have to be depressed about?”) As a result, too many parents, teachers, and other adults ignore (or rationalize away) behaviors like the ones your son is exhibiting. I’m glad you’re paying attention.
The truth is that childhood depression is a reality. According to the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, about five percent of children and adolescents in the general population suffer from depression at any given point in time. And a recent study of 9- to 17-year-olds sponsored by National Institute of Mental Health, estimates that the prevalence of any kind of depression is more than 6 percent, while 4.9 percent suffering from major depression.
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Dear Mr. Dad: A Korean family has recently moved in next door and our 8-year-old son became friendly with their boy, who is the same age. However, he now says that he no longer wants to play with this child because he “looks funny.” How do we teach our son to look beyond the differences?

A: If you live in a small community or a rural area where there haven’t been very many people of different ethnicities and cultural backgrounds, it’s understandable that your young son may be confused by a child so visibly different from anyone else he’s used to seeing.

What you have here, however, is a great opportunity to teach your boy some valuable life lessons, the kind that will, hopefully, instill in him a little cultural sensitivity, tolerance, and open-mindedness. After all, diversity is part of our national identity and should be embraced rather than shunned.
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Super Mario Brothers for Wii, “Checklists for the New Dad,” and Faces iMake, among Father’s Day 2010 GreatDad Recommends Award and Mr. Dad Seal of Approval Recipients

San Francisco, Calif. (PRWEB) June 5, 2010 — Fun-loving fathers and families seeking ideas for Father’s Day activities this year are in for a real treat. Presented by Mr. Dad and GreatDad.com, the results of the Fathers Day 2010 GreatDad Recommends and Mr.Dad Seal of Approval awards are in. They include an exciting lineup of games, toys and resources that will involve dads and kids, and make spending time together even more exciting and memorable. Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Mr. Dad: I’m an expectant father and I want to take some time off after our baby is born. But even though my company offers some family-friendly benefits, my boss isn’t very happy about the idea. At all. I know I have legal rights under the Family Leave Act, but I don’t want things to get hostile. Do you have any suggestions for how I might be able to convince my employer?

A: Over the past decade or so, more and more companies are offering family-friendly benefits. But when it comes to male employees, the messages about whether it’s okay to actually use those benefits are, as you’ve discovered, mixed at best. For example, about 13 percent of U.S. employers offer paid paternity leave. But even at those companies, only about half of eligible men take it. The rest don’t, largely out of fear that they’d be committing career suicide. Overall, compared to mothers, fathers are only one-tenth as likely to have ever used parenting leave and one-sixth as likely to have ever worked part time.
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Dear Mr. Dad: My son seems to have no interest in potty training. He’s almost 3 and many kids in his pre-school already use the potty. My wife says we shouldn’t push him, but I don’t want him to be the only one left in diapers. What’s the right age to start potty training and how can we I encourage my son?

A: Some children are completely out of diapers by age two, others can take years longer, so there’s nothing about your son’s age that automatically makes him “too old” for diapers. The bottom line, so to speak, is that your son will start when he’s ready. Pushing him may actually hinder the process.
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Dear Mr. Dad: My parents are divorced and my dad has been living in another state. He is now moving back home because he says he wants to develop a relationship with his grandchild (my son), who is four. Unfortunately, my father has anger management issues–he’s never been violent, but he does have verbal outbursts. He can be fine, but then something sets him off and he starts being verbally abusive. He says he can control himself now, but my husband and I are afraid to leave our son with him. On the other hand, I want my child to get to know his grandfather. What can we do?

A: You’re absolutely right to be concerned about entrusting your child to someone who has a history of abusive behavior—violent or otherwise—regardless of whether he’s a relative or not.

Your dad says he can control his outbursts. But how do you know? Has he been in anger management or been getting some other type of therapy, counseling, or professional help? I’m not saying people can’t change—of course they can. But it’s pretty unlikely that a lifelong habit would suddenly disappear all by itself. It’s certainly possible that your father has learned to keep his anger under wraps, but there’s no guarantee that it’ll stay that way. As you say, he can be fine one moment, then something (or someone) will spark his anger. You certainly don’t want that someone to be your four-year-old.
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Dear Mr. Dad: It seems like every time I turn on the TV, there are the Duggars, with their 19 children, and Octomom with 14. How many kids are too many? What’s your take on it?

A: That’s a tough (and arbitrary) question, and the answer depends on whom you ask. The Duggars, for example, have made it clear that they’d like to have more kids, so in their opinion, 19 isn’t enough. I have a feeling that Octomom isn’t through either, and that the stars of the new show “9 by Design” are just getting warmed up. Fortunately, we can all rest easy now that John and Kate stopped at eight. On the other hand, a lot of people, including Bill McKibben, author of “Maybe One,” believe that one is the ethically and environmentally responsible number. Most of us, though, fall somewhere in between (the average number of children per household with kids is about two—and the prospect of an entire handful (or three) is frightening.
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Dear Mr. Dad: My wife and I decided that we want one parent at home with our child full time—at least until he starts preschool. Since she earns more than I do, it looks like I’ll be a stay-at-home dad. What am I in for?

A: Deciding to be a stay-at-home dad is a big decision, one that will affect everyone in your family. There are wonderful benefits to you and your child. But before you pull the trigger, you and your wife need to consider the following questions:

• Can you take the career hit? This is big, since earning power and masculinity are inextricably linked in so many people’s minds. (If I’m not making money, I’m not a good man/father, the thinking goes.) You may be able to keep a finger in the work world by consulting or starting a home-based business. But if you return to the workforce later, the gap on your résumé could cause problems with potential employers.
• Can you handle the pressure? Some people will come right out and tell you that you really should be out there bringing in some money. After all, that’s what guys are supposed to do, right? But even if you don’t hear the actual words, you may feel the need to demonstrate that even though you’ve chosen not to earn money, you could if you really wanted to. Some of that pressure is external, some comes from within. Traditional sex roles do a real number on us, don’t they?
• Do you have a job description? What are your responsibilities? Will you be doing all the laundry, shopping, and cooking? Some of it?
• Can you handle the isolation and the workload? Staying home with a child can be a tough, lonely job. It can also be a little mind-numbing (I say this from experience). Sometimes, no matter how much fun you’ve had with the kids, you’ll crave some adult conversation at the end of the day.
• Are you selfless enough? Say goodbye to personal time, and get used to putting your children’s needs above yours. Always.
• Is your skin thick enough? Women—whether they’re moms, nannies, baby-sitters—tend not to welcome men into their groups wherever it is that people take their kids during the day. You’ll have to get used to the funny looks and stupid comments from people when you’re out with your. (“Hey, are you baby-sitting today?” is one that always bugs me. “No, bozo, I’m not baby-sitting, I’m a dad and I’m taking care of my children.”) And you’ll have to deal with people’s criticisms and critiques of your parenting—the kinds of “advice” and comments no one would ever make to a woman.
• How thick is your wife’s skin? When you’re the primary parent, your child will run to you when he wants a hug or has a skinned knee. If mom tries to provide that hug or apply a BandAid, he may push her away. I’ve been on both sides of this, and can tell you that it hurts. A lot.
• Do you have a reentry plan? It’s good to have a plan for how long your at-home stint will last, and what you’ll do afterwards.

In reality, you won’t be as alone out there as it might seem. At least two million stay-at-home dads are doing it every day, and the number is rising all the time. You may have to dig, but there are a lot of great resources out there, including athomedad.net and slowlane.com.

Dear Mr. Dad: When I married my husband, my biological son was 5. My husband adopted him two years later. My husband is financially and spiritually supportive, but he doesn’t seem interested in playing or doing "dad" type stuff with our son. I would love for him to initiate catch, going to batting cages, or anything family oriented, but he doesn’t. I’m starting to resent that all he wants to do is work on the house on weekends. Help me understand him.

A: There are all sorts of reasons that could explain your husband's behavior. When he became part of your son's life, he had already "missed" five years, along with the familiarity, confidence, and competence that comes from being there from the very beginning. As a result, he may simply not know what to do with the boy. This is especially true if he was an only child or had little or no experience with young kids.
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