Dear Mr. Dad: My three-year-old daughter insists that I play dolls with her. Maybe it’s the way I was brought up, but I just can’t bring myself to do it—seems too girly for me. My wife says my playing with our daughter will help her in the future. Is that true? And if so, do you have some advice on how to get over my discomfort?

A: First, let me congratulate you on making the right choice—trying to find ways to get over your discomfort is much, much better than trying to find ways to tell your daughter you can’t play with her.

To answer your first question, your wife is absolutely right: playing with your daughter will help her in a variety of important ways. To start with, having a chance to play with you will send her over the moon with joy. But besides that, when your daughter plays with dolls she’s learning a ton of skills that will help her throughout her life. In the short-term, she’s learning how to tie, snap, button, and dress. Long term, she’s discovering who she is. Plus, she’s getting a lot of hands-on practice soothing and caring for babies—something that will come in handy when she makes you a grandfather. All in all, research shows that girls whose dads play with them grow up to be more assertive (in a good way), have more (and better) friends, do better in school, are more self-sufficient, and are less likely to smoke, abuse drugs or alcohol, go to prison, or get pregnant as teens. Pretty powerful stuff.

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Dear Mr. Dad: I hear more and more that all children should have some formal music study. Is that true? What are the benefits, and how young should they start?

A: You can’t even swing a violin around in a bookstore anymore without hitting a book that claims that music is the answer to your every parental wish, from boosting intelligence to nurturing creative genius. A lot of these claims are exaggerated, but others are supported by solid research. More on that in a minute.

But first, the best reason to get your child involved in music is that it’s fun! Who doesn’t like music? And when it comes to exposing a child to music, there’s no such thing as too young—so keep your CD player and iPod well stocked with a wide variety of musical styles (yes, even some you aren’t wild about yourself) and just allow your child to listen.

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Dear Mr. Dad: My ex-girlfriend and I broke up even though she’s expecting our baby shortly. I’ve been very clear that I want to be involved in our child’s life, but she’s already excluded me from the labor and delivery and I’m worried that she’ll do the same after the baby is born. Is there anything I can do to protect my parental rights?

A: The fact that you want to be a part of your child’s life, even though you and the child’s mother are no longer together, is a very good thing. It means your baby has a fighting chance of growing up with two loving parents—albeit separated—and that he or she will benefit from your presence from the very beginning.

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Dear Mr. Dad: My wife and I love to cook, and we go out of our way to make meals we think our kids will like—or at least eat! But time after time we find ourselves dumping untouched food into leftover containers, or worse, into the trash. They seem to eat nothing but macaroni and cheese, and we’re worried that they’re not getting what they need in their diets. What can we do?

A: This may not make you feel any better, but I’m betting that every parent reading this column is nodding his or her head in agreement. Apparently all our children got the same memo.

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Dear Mr. Dad: In the past two weeks I’ve heard from three friends whose children have been hurt in a fall at home. I thought my childproofing days were behind me, but now I’m worried that the same thing could happen at my house. What can I do to make sure my kids are safe in their own home?

A: Great question. There are nearly 6000 fall-related deaths every year in the US, and falls are the No.1 reason for injury and death caused at home. In fact, children are at risk for taking a fall from the time they start crawling until they’re well into their pre-teens. Fall-proofing your house doesn’t have to be a big, complicated, or expensive deal. But it will require some effort. And fortunately, it’s never to late to start.

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Dear Mr. Dad: I generally have a very even temper as a parent, but once in a while, little things build up and POW! I completely lose my cool. The kids look terrified when it happens, and I always hate myself for that. How can I control my temper?

A: Okay, everyone who’s NEVER gone ballistic in front of their kids, raise your hand. Come on, get ‘em up there…

Just as I thought. No hands!

The first thing you need to do is to take it easy on yourself. Every parent who lives outside of a 1950s TV show gets angry at times. It’s an absolutely normal and acceptable response to frustration. We all know how infuriating it can be when your child translates your “NOW” into “when I’m good and ready,” or when your third, calm, request to do—or stop doing—something is completely ignored.

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Dear Mr. Dad: My wife and I are expecting our first child. The problem is that I’m in the US Marine Corps on tour in Iraq. I have been here since the beginning of the pregnancy and I might not be there for the birth of our child. My wife is having a hard time doing this on her own and I feel that there’s nothing I can do to support her. I’m reading your book, The Expectant Father, which I find very helpful. But do you know of any resources that are specifically aimed at military dads and/or their families?

A: There are over 700,000 children under five in military families who are separated from their father or mother. As a former U.S. Marine myself, my heart goes out to all of them. Here are some great resources you and your wife can use to get the support you need. And because I know many military dads will be reading this column, I’m also including some tips on staying in touch with the kids and maintaining relationships while away.

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Dear Mr. Dad: I know that spanking is politically incorrect these days, but I don’t want kids who are out of control. Is on occasional whack all that bad? If so, what are the alternatives?

A: At one time or another, every parent has been in a situation where the temptation to spank was strong. But the jury is in—and yes, it’s all bad. Spanking, also known as corporal punishment, is worth avoiding for two reasons. First, it doesn’t work beyond the short-term, and second, it creates a lot of new problems in the long-term.

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Dear Mr. Dad: I just started a new sales job which keeps me away from home a lot. How can I help my family, especially the children, cope better so that they don’t resent my being away?

A: In the debate between quality time and quantity time, there’s no clear winner. In an ideal world, everyone would get plenty of both. But most of us don’t live in an ideal world, which means we have to make the best of whatever situation we’re in.

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Dear Mr. Dad: I just found out I’m pregnant and my husband is not looking forward to being a dad. The pregnancy was unplanned and he doesn’t see any positive sides to the situation. How do I get him to be more involved in the pregnancy and beyond?

A: For some odd reason, people assume that as soon as the news of the pregnancy is announced, we instantly and happily snap into “mommy” and “daddy” mode. But it’s rarely that simple in real life. Changing from couple to parents isn’t an easy or natural transition for everyone. Some of us morph into perfect parents overnight, while for others, getting comfortable with being a parent takes a long, long time.

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