Dear Mr. Dad: I have a 2-week old baby boy, and I’m crazy about him. But I’ve suddenly started feeling really anxious, stressed, irritable, and sometimes even angry. My girlfriend says I could be suffering from male postpartum depression. I’ve never heard of guys getting postpartum depression, is it possible? If so, what can I do about it?

A: Your girlfriend is absolutely right. Most of us have heard of new moms experiencing the “baby blues,” or actual postpartum depression, but few acknowledge that paternal postpartum depression is just as real. In fact, quite a few people ridicule the idea. It’s wonderful that your girlfriend is not one of them.

According to Will Courtenay, a psychotherapist specializing in male postpartum depression, as many as 1 in 4 new dads experience the kinds of symptoms you mentioned, in the days, weeks, and even months after the birth of a child. Unfortunately, men rarely discuss their feelings or ask for help, especially during a time when they’re supposed to “be there” for the new mom. One big problem is that men and women express depression differently. Women tend to get tearful, men get angry or withdraw from their family and retreat to the office. Because depression—including the postpartum kind—is usually seen as affecting women more than men, many mental health professionals don’t recognize the symptoms, or write them off as normal adjustment to the challenges of new parenthood.
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Dear Mr. Dad: My 18-month old son is suddenly obsessed with TV. He watches at least 3-4 hours per day. My wife doesn’t see the problem since it allows her to get stuff done around the house, but I’m worried. How much TV is too much?

A: Great question—one you have every right to be concerned about. Watching too much TV is a growing problem in our society—especially for children. Studies are all over the place, but they generally show that American children watch two to six hours of television per day. Plus they spend a few more in front of other screens, watching DVDs or playing video games.
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Dear Mr. Dad: Our son is three weeks old and my wife is exhausted from breastfeeding. I have to be out of the house early in the morning to make it to work, but I do help her out between 2am and 4 am. But when I try to get a little sleep before or after those hours, or if I’m too slow to wake up, she'll say to our son things like "Daddy doesn’t care." This hurts my feelings because I’m doing as much as I can, and I do have to put in an 8-hour day in the office. How do I handle this situation?

A: This probably won’t make you feel much better, but there are plenty of new parents out there who can totally relate to your dilemma. Fact is, being tired, sleep-deprived, and overwhelmed is a normal part of being a new parent.

I’m sure that everyone you knew tried to warn you that becoming a dad would turn your life upside down, right? And I’m sure you tried to prepare yourself for all the changes. But there’s a difference between watching a tornado on TV and having one blow the roof off your house. Now that your baby is actually here, it’s pretty obvious that nothing could have fully prepped you for the daily (and nightly) challenges of living with a newborn.
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Dear Mr. Dad: My child’s mother and I never married and we split before the baby was born. Nevertheless, she and I used to share parenting equally. We compromised, worked out schedules, and we both spent lots of time with our daughter. But about a year ago, I got married. And immediately, the mother cut me back to seeing my daughter only every other weekend. Two months later, she moved in with a man. Since then, she barely lets me see my daughter at all. My wife and my little girl (who’s now three) have a very strong relationship. The mom and I have been fighting for over a year and I finally got her to agree to go to mediation with me to come up with a parenting plan. What can I reasonably ask for? How can I get anything when she has all the power just for being mom?

A: You put your finger on the problem perfectly–your child's mother has all the power simply because she's the mother. Well, nearly all the power.

Every time I address the issue of single fathers in this column, I hear from lawyers insisting that unmarried parents have the same rights as married ones. Well, that may be true on paper, but it’s rarely the way things play out in real life.

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Dear Mr. Dad: I’m a 37-year-old mother of two, ages 18 and 5. I really want another baby, but my husband had a vasectomy immediately after our second child was born. At the time, I was exhausted and fighting post-partum depression, so when he came in an announced that he was getting the surgery I agreed. But now, when I tell him he can get it reversed and that we could start trying for another baby, he just says, “oh" and leaves the room. What can I do to change his mind?

A: Unfortunately, there's no quick solution to your problem. It sounds like your husband really has no interest in having a third child and it's entirely possible that you won't ever be able to change his mind. Either way, though, this is too big an issue to ignore. The two of you need to have some long, serious discussions in which you both listen carefully and respectfully to each other.

I'm sure each of you has a perfectly sound reason for wanting (or not wanting) another child and neither of you is any more "right" than the other. Keep in mind that this is a topic that involves a lot of emotion and passion so if you aren't able to work through things on your own, don't be afraid to schedule a few sessions with a family therapist who, at the very least, should be able to act as a referee and facilitate a more productive discussion.

Dear readers: With the holidays looming, I’m already getting requests from people looking for the perfect gift for the dads in their life. Some advice: The last thing he wants is another tie. Most dads tell me that what they really want are games, ideas, or other activities to help them build stronger relationships with their spouse and kids. As you may know, we created the Mr. Dad Seal of Approval to help families find exactly that. And we’re now accepting submissions for our Holiday list. Information and applications are at mrdad.com/seal.

Dear Mr. Dad: We’re having trouble getting our almost-four-month old daughter to take naps. Until a week or two ago, everything was fine. Now she won’t go down for more than 45 minutes. We've heard all kinds of advice on what to do, but we're trying to let her sooth herself to sleep—and trying to strike a balance between running to her crib whenever she wakes up versus letting her scream until she passes out. What’s your take?

A: You’re definitely on the right track with trying to get her to soothe herself—a tremendously important skill. You say she was napping fine until recently. Did something change in her schedule, diet, routine, or surroundings? Babies are remarkably sensitive little creatures, and their behavior is often a response to what's going on around them.
Pay especially close attention to “sleep hygiene.” Are you putting your daughter down in a room where there are lots of toys around? If so, that could be the problem. Even though we think we sleep through the night, most of us actually wake up many times, take a look around, and go back to sleep. When your baby wakes up for those few seconds in the middle of her nap, if she sees toys, she’ll want to get up—and why not? Who’d want to sleep with all those cool things to play with. If all she sees around her is her crib, though, she’s more likely to drift off to sleep for a bit longer.

Dear readers: With the holidays looming, I’m already getting requests from people looking for the perfect gift for the dads in their life. Some advice: The last thing he wants is another tie. Most dads tell me that what they really want are games, ideas, or other activities to help them build stronger relationships with their spouse and kids. As you may know, we created the Mr. Dad Seal of Approval to help families find exactly that. And we’re now accepting submissions for our Holiday list. Information and applications are at mrdad.com/seal.

Dear Mr. Dad: My spouse and I adopted a 14-month-old baby boy. What can I do as a working father to build and cement a strong bond, since we have missed the early stages?

A: The best thing you can do now is read everything you can about child development. You need to know what's been going on so far, what's reasonable to expect from a 14-month old, and what's not. (My book, Fathering Your Toddler, is a good place to start.) Don't put a lot of pressure on yourself to "make up for lost time." You can't. But you can—and should—focus on the future.

It's also very important that you not set your expectations too high. It's tempting to get the baby’s room all set up, and to imagine that you and your spouse will be able to start providing your child with a wonderful life (especially if he came from a less-than-wonderful environment). And, of course, it's natural to imagine that you'll fall immediately in love with the baby and that he'll fall in love with you. It's extremely unlikely that will happen. So give yourselves plenty of time to get used to each other and your new situation.

Don't forget to pay special attention to your relationship with your wife. Having a new baby can take a real toll. You're going to need plenty of time alone–individually and as a couple (away from the baby).

Finally, I’m sure you're already in contact with adoption support groups. If not, though, there are some great resources for adoptive parents at Adoption Connection (adoptionconnection.org) and Adoption.org (adoption.org/)

Dear Mr. Dad: I've always wondered why parents of large families sometimes give all their children names beginning with the first letter, as in, "Hi, I'd like you to meet my kids: Connie, Carla, Christopher, Caligula, Charles, and Conner." How long has this trend been around?

A: Having all the kids' names start with the same letter or sound may make them feel connected–to their siblings and the family as a whole–particularly if a child is adopted. It might also be a memory aid for those time (and all parents have them) when they call their children by the wrong name or the dog's name or can't remember the right name at all.

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Dear Mr. Dad: I am the mother of a 12 year old girl. We used to be very close, but she’s recently made it very clear that she only wants to be with her father. She's never happy to see me, but she's always happy to see my husband. No matter how much I try to understand, it just hurts to be ignored or pushed away. Is it normal for girls this age to prefer their fathers?

A: I often hear from dads who feel that their children prefer mom, so your question was especially interesting. Unfortunately, feeling rejected by their children in favor of the other parent is a relatively common phenomenon—the difference is that women, I think, are less likely to admit it than men.
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Dear M. Dad: When my baby was born my wife and I spent a lot of time and energy babyproofing the house. Our child made it through infancy, but now that he’s a toddler, he’s getting into everything and we realize that we missed some key safety measures. Is there such a thing as toddlerproofing a house? And if so, how do we do it?

A: The thing about toddlers is that they’re absolutely desperate to explore their world. Of course, in toddlerese, the concept of exploring means touching, climbing, pulling on, taking apart, shredding, throwing, chewing, and more. Back when your son was an infant, taking things away from him or simply picking him up and moving him out of trouble would work most of the time. No self-respecting toddler, however, would be fooled by that. In their minds, babyproofed cabinets or anything that you take away or put out of reach is immediately worth extra points. After all, if it weren’t especially interesting, you wouldn’t have bothered to protect it so well.
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