Dear Mr. Dad: My wife and I have been trying for years to have a child of our own. We’re now considering adoption. But there’s so much to think about: Should we take in a foster child first, just to see how things go? Can we trust the State adoption agency? Will we be able to afford all the associated expenses? What if we discover months or years later, that there’s something seriously wrong with the child?

A: What great questions. Adoption certainly isn’t for everyone, and the decision to adopt isn’t one to take lightly. The risks are real: you hear nightmarish, heartbreaking stories everywhere. Many prospective adoptive parents go through the training that’s required by certain adoption agencies and drop out, realizing that it might not be for them. But there are plenty of successes out there too.
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Dear Mr. Dad: Our first child is due in six months and we’ve decided I won’t be going back to work. How do we go from dual income couple to single income family without feeling the pinch too much?

A: Congratulations on thinking about this now—I’m always surprised at how many couples put off talking about money until they’re on the way home from the hospital, baby in hand.

The very first item on your list should be to pay off your credit cards. (If you don’t have any credit card debt, you’re already one step ahead). Next, start sinking your entire paycheck into savings and practice living off one salary. This will help you quickly identify any holes in your budget while you still have the security of two paychecks. Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Mr. Dad: I have a 1-year old who says only two words: mama and dada. My best friend’s son is two months younger and she’s constantly bragging about his vocabulary. It’s driving me crazy—and it’s making me worry that there might be something wrong with my child. When do children start talking? Do they all talk around the same time? Is there any way I can assist my child to talk sooner?

A: As with walking and most other developmental milestones, there’s no fixed time for children to start talking, and what’s “normal” is a big, big range. Some start putting together words as early as nine months; others don’t have much to say until they’re two. The size of the vocabulary and the child’s age when words start tumbling out of his mouth is no indication of intelligence (Albert Einstein supposedly was nearly silent until age four).There’s definitely a luck-of-the-draw component here, but here are a few things that may speed things along. Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Mr. Dad: I’ve been reading more and more that baby bottles and sippy cups are made from harmful plastics. How do I know which ones are safe?

A: You’ve probably been hearing about bisphenol A (BPA), which has been making headlines lately. Even if you haven’t heard of it’, it’s all over your house—besides baby bottles and sippy cups, it’s in just about anything made of hard, clear plastic, as well as in the lining of food and beverage cans. And if your child’s teeth were sealed by her dentist, there’s a good chance that the coating contains BPA. The problem is that BPA mimics estrogen in the body, and experts suspect that it may cause birth defects, developmental delays, cancer, ADD, early onset puberty, and more. Pretty scary stuff. Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Mr. Dad: My two month old wants to be held all day long. Everyone I know is telling me that she’ll grow up spoiled if I don’t put her down. Am I spoiling her?

A: Not a chance! Here’s the only math formula that new parents need to know: wants = needs. It’s absolutely impossible to spoil a baby that young. The concept of manipulating you with his tears is months away. Here’s what’s probably going on inside your baby’s head. For nine months he was living in a cozy, warm environment and was used to being constantly held. Now that he’s out in the real world, he craves the security of his old womb. But as he gets older, he’ll gradually need that security less and less.

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Dear Mr. Dad: My wife and I took our teenage son, a high-school senior, to visit a few of the colleges he’d like to apply to. For the most part they seemed great, everything a parent could want for his child—except affordable! How does anyone afford college these days?

A: I’m so glad you wrote—my daughter and I just came back from a similar trip and I was amazed that admissions directors could actually say the words, “$52,000 per year” with a straight face. Unfortunately, though, tuition sticker shock is no joke. According to the National Postsecondary Student Aid Study, two-thirds of four-year students graduate with an average student loan debt of nearly $20,000. One-fourth of those students borrow $24,936 or more, while a tenth borrow $35,213 or more. Those figures are probably a little lower for state schools, a lot higher for private schools.

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Dear Mr. Dad: My three-year-old daughter insists that I play dolls with her. Maybe it’s the way I was brought up, but I just can’t bring myself to do it—seems too girly for me. My wife says my playing with our daughter will help her in the future. Is that true? And if so, do you have some advice on how to get over my discomfort?

A: First, let me congratulate you on making the right choice—trying to find ways to get over your discomfort is much, much better than trying to find ways to tell your daughter you can’t play with her.

To answer your first question, your wife is absolutely right: playing with your daughter will help her in a variety of important ways. To start with, having a chance to play with you will send her over the moon with joy. But besides that, when your daughter plays with dolls she’s learning a ton of skills that will help her throughout her life. In the short-term, she’s learning how to tie, snap, button, and dress. Long term, she’s discovering who she is. Plus, she’s getting a lot of hands-on practice soothing and caring for babies—something that will come in handy when she makes you a grandfather. All in all, research shows that girls whose dads play with them grow up to be more assertive (in a good way), have more (and better) friends, do better in school, are more self-sufficient, and are less likely to smoke, abuse drugs or alcohol, go to prison, or get pregnant as teens. Pretty powerful stuff.

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Dear Mr. Dad: I hear more and more that all children should have some formal music study. Is that true? What are the benefits, and how young should they start?

A: You can’t even swing a violin around in a bookstore anymore without hitting a book that claims that music is the answer to your every parental wish, from boosting intelligence to nurturing creative genius. A lot of these claims are exaggerated, but others are supported by solid research. More on that in a minute.

But first, the best reason to get your child involved in music is that it’s fun! Who doesn’t like music? And when it comes to exposing a child to music, there’s no such thing as too young—so keep your CD player and iPod well stocked with a wide variety of musical styles (yes, even some you aren’t wild about yourself) and just allow your child to listen.

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Dear Mr. Dad: My ex-girlfriend and I broke up even though she’s expecting our baby shortly. I’ve been very clear that I want to be involved in our child’s life, but she’s already excluded me from the labor and delivery and I’m worried that she’ll do the same after the baby is born. Is there anything I can do to protect my parental rights?

A: The fact that you want to be a part of your child’s life, even though you and the child’s mother are no longer together, is a very good thing. It means your baby has a fighting chance of growing up with two loving parents—albeit separated—and that he or she will benefit from your presence from the very beginning.

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Dear Mr. Dad: My wife and I love to cook, and we go out of our way to make meals we think our kids will like—or at least eat! But time after time we find ourselves dumping untouched food into leftover containers, or worse, into the trash. They seem to eat nothing but macaroni and cheese, and we’re worried that they’re not getting what they need in their diets. What can we do?

A: This may not make you feel any better, but I’m betting that every parent reading this column is nodding his or her head in agreement. Apparently all our children got the same memo.

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