Dear Mr. Dad: A young family recently moved in next door. There’s always a lot of yelling and door slamming and I’ve noticed that the boy who lives there, who looks about 10, often has bruises on his face, arms, and legs. Whenever I see him, he seems afraid to make eye contact. I don’t want to rush to judgment and accuse the parents of abuse, but I also don’t want to turn a blind eye in case I’m right. What should I do?

A: Thank you for speaking up and for your concern—you’ve just identified several classic warning signs of abuse. You’ve also stumbled into a very tough, very complex situation (one that I’m sure will generate angry emails from readers no matter how I answer the question).
Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Mr. Dad: I am currently dating a divorced father of two. I am having trouble communicating to him that being a good father does not exempt him from being a good partner. How can I get him to see my point of view without putting him on the defensive?

A: In a perfect world, you're right–being a good father wouldn’t exempt your boyfriend from being a good partner. But I have to tell you that most single dads would make the same choice. Their priority is their children—giving them stability and protecting them from going through another breakup. When dating a divorced dad you have to understand that his kids are part of the package. You can’t have one without the other. And if you ever put him in a situation where he feels he has to choose between the kids and you, he'll go with them every time.
Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Mr. Dad: When my kids were young I worked a lot and wasn’t around as much as I wanted to be. But now that I’m retired and a grandfather, how can I make up for it and build strong relationships with my grandkids?

A: There’s no way to make up for lost time, but there are some excellent ways to be an active, involved part of your grandchildren’s life.

• Stay connected. Call, write, email, text, Skype, or twitter. There are tons of ways to keep in touch.

Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Mr. Dad: My 24-year-old daughter just moved back into my home, which I also share with my 80-year-old mother. She recently quit her job as a nurse and is working as a bartender instead. Many nights she doesn't come home at all, and rolls in at 6-7 a.m. the next morning. I don't ask questions—she’s an adult. But I have asked her repeatedly, just out of common courtesy, to let me know if she's going to be out all night. First, this is so I can go to sleep and not worry every time I hear a noise. Second, her dog keeps me up half the night with his pacing and whining and won’t stop until my daughter gets home. Still, she refuses to let me know. How can I convince her to check in—for everyone's peace of mind?

A: You said it perfectly: she's an adult. And at 24, she should start acting like one—treating people with the same level of respect she'd like from any guest in her home. It's perfectly reasonable to tell your daughter exactly what you wrote: that she's causing you and your mother to worry and that her dog is keeping you up at night. If she's going to stay out all night, she needs to a) let you know well in advance, and b) make arrangements for someone else to take care of the dog. It's your house and you're entitled to set the rules (and those are pretty easy rules to live by). You're happy to host her for as long as she needs, but only if she'll stop acting like an irresponsible—and inconsiderate—teenager. If she refuses to go along with the program, tell her she’ll have to find another place to stay.

Mr. Dad Seal of Approval

With the winter holidays just around the corner, we’re announcing the latest recipients of the Mr. Dad Seal of Approval, which recognize products and services that promote father-child relationships. We evaluated dozens of entries and selected the very best. And because economic times are tough, we also tried to select products that are affordable. Here are a few highlights. The complete list is available at our website, www.mrdad.com/seal.

• “How’d They Build That?” DVD series, from MarvelousMedia. www.marvelousmedia.net
• I Spy matching game, from Briarpatch. www.briarpatch.com
• Star Pilot, from Young Scientists Club, LLC. www.kidsciencekits.com
• Readeez Volume One, from the Readeez Company. www.readeez.com

Dear Mr. Dad: How can I spend quality time with my eleven-year-old daughter outside of going shopping all day? I realize that's her passion these days, but honestly, I don't have much to contribute on a shopping spree (except money, of course).

A: Oh, come on, shopping isn’t that bad! Actually, I’m with you on this one. There’s something about setting foot in a department store that makes my back hurt and my head ache. Fortunately, with a little advance planning, it’s possible to survive your tween’s occasional shopping trips while building a solid relationship along the way.

Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Mr. Dad: My wife and I are about to get a divorce. We have a one-year old boy and she’s pregnant with our second. Here’s the problem: She’s been having an affair for the past two years and I’m concerned that the children aren’t actually mine. What can I do to protect myself?

A: I’m sorry about your situation. Divorce is never easy, and it’s even tougher when you’ve been cheated on and children are involved.

Hire a lawyer immediately. Then get DNA tests for you and the children. Expect to pay upwards of $400 for the testing, but given the horror stories I’ve heard from men in your situation, it’s a worthwhile expense.

Your goal is to avoid becoming a victim of “Paternity Fraud.” This is when a mother lies about who a child’s father is for the purposes of monetary gain. In your case, you could be on the hook for 18 or more years of child support for a child or children who aren’t yours.
Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Mr. Dad: Six months ago, my wife and I divorced because she was having an affair. After our divorce, she remarried and my 3-year old son has become attached to her new husband, who showers him with expensive presents. I know my son loves me, but it isn’t easy for me not to feel hurt by their relationship. I don’t want to harm my son’s relationship with his stepfather, so how can I deal with these feelings?

A: Sometimes mothers think they’re the only ones who feel threatened by their ex’s new relationships, but it happens to dads, too. It’s never easy to watch another man come into the picture and “steal” your family. In your situation, such feelings might be worse because of how your marriage ended and how quickly the stepfather entered the picture. Rest assured, though, there’s nothing unusual about your reactions.

Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Mr. Dad: I am getting remarried in a few months. I have two teens, 12 and 15, and my fiancé has custody of his 14-year-old. We will be moving to a new house to start our lives together as a family. Any advice on how to make this transition as smooth as possible?

A: Welcome to the wonderful world of blended families. And you certainly aren’t alone. In fact, one in three Americans is a stepparent, stepchild, stepsibling, or other member of an extended stepfamily.

Combining two families into one requires careful planning, open communication, and lots of patience. So if you’re fantasizing that your new brood will be just like “The Brady Bunch,” you’re about to find out that real life is not quite that rosy.
Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Mr. Dad: I’m a single dad who has been raising my 14-year old daughter alone for the last five years. While we’ve always been close, I’ve noticed it’s becoming harder for us to talk lately. She’s open with me about her grades, but when it comes to talking about her personal life she clams up. I’m worried that she doesn’t feel comfortable talking to me about personal matters. How can I encourage her to open up?

A: Dads and daughters often run into rough patches when little girls start growing into young women, so part of what you’re experiencing is normal. But it must be especially disappointing to you, as a single dad, because when you started raising her alone, she was just nine years old and probably was happy to gush all the details of her life and her friends.

Read the rest of this entry »