Dear Mr. Dad: My son seems to have no interest in potty training. He’s almost 3 and many kids in his pre-school already use the potty. My wife says we shouldn’t push him, but I don’t want him to be the only one left in diapers. What’s the right age to start potty training and how can we I encourage my son?

A: Some children are completely out of diapers by age two, others can take years longer, so there’s nothing about your son’s age that automatically makes him “too old” for diapers. The bottom line, so to speak, is that your son will start when he’s ready. Pushing him may actually hinder the process.
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Dear Mr. Dad: My 2 ½ year old son has recently started running away from me whenever we leave the house. Sometimes I have to sprint to catch him. It’s really frightening and I’m afraid to look away even for a second. Why is he doing this and how can I stop him?

A: First, let’s keep in mind that your son isn’t running away to rebel, and he probably isn’t trying to scare you. It’s actually a normal developmental phase for toddlers. Aside from having a marvelous time exploring the world, running, being chased, and getting caught makes them feel secure. That said, since dashing off in a parking lot or crowded place can be a serious safety issue, and your son needs to learn to stop doing it (or at least cut back. Here are a few strategies:
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Dear Mr. Dad: My wife and I have been trying to conceive for nine months and our fertility doctor is suggesting that we consider IVF (in-vitro fertilization). Step one is for me to bring in a sperm sample for analysis. What are they analyzing? Frankly, I find the idea of producing a sample on demand rather embarrassing. And the way a friend described the process—dingy bathroom with a few sticky porn magazines—was really of off-putting. Isn’t there some other way to get semen out of me than the usual?

A: Let’s start with your second question. The one-word answer is, Yes. There are other ways. But they’re extremely expensive and not nearly as fun. The two most common techniques are called “testicular sperm extraction” (TESE) and “microsurgical epididymal sperm aspiration” (MESA). Both involve making incisions in the scrotum and testicles, and either manually removing sperm cells or actually cutting away a small piece of testicular tissue. (I’ll bet just reading that last sentence probably made most male readers involuntarily grab their crotch.)
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Dear Mr. Dad: My 16-month old daughter still wakes up at least three or four times every night. My husband and I take turns getting up with her but we’re exhausted and fed-up. How can we get her to sleep through the night?

A: Welcome to the wonderful nighttime world of toddlers, all of whom get up a few dozen times every night. Usually, they just look around and go right back to sleep—just like we adults do. Sometime, though, they don’t. When that happens, there are a lot of ways to get children back to sleep in the short term, and, long term, to get them to sleep for longer stretches at night.
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Dear Mr. Dad: Our adorable little girl has turned into a difficult, rebellious teenager. She’s only 14, but she already insists on wearing make-up, and screams things like, “I hate you!” and “It’s my life so you can’t tell me what to do.” Help!

A: And people say the terrible twos are bad? Ha! It won’t come as much comfort right now, but just about every parent of a teen has watched helplessly as their sweet baby morphed into something not nearly as sweet.

The first thing to do is take a deep breath and summon up as much patience as you can—you’ll need about four years’ worth.
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Dear Mr. Dad: I’m 45 and my wife is 35. We’ve been together for more than ten years and have finally decided to have a family. I know that it may be harder for my wife to conceive than it would have been if she was a little younger. But someone recently told her that my age could be a factor too. Is that true? Sounds crazy.

A: I hate to take sides, but your wife wins this round. Like most people, you know about the difficulties that women over 35 have getting pregnant. That’s only the beginning. As women age, the risk of miscarriage, preterm birth, and birth defects increases. But we rarely hear anything how the father’s age affects fertility and beyond. Here’s a quick overview.

• Researchers at Bristol University in the UK found that men’s fertility begins to decrease starting at about age 24. The odds of conceiving within six months of trying go down two percent per year over that age.
• Sperm count decreases with age, and the little guys gradually lose their speed and accuracy, meaning fewer of them will make it all the way to the egg, and those that do will take a lot longer to get there.
• Sperm quality also decreases, starting when the man is about 35. That means that the ones that reach the egg are less able to fertilize it. And even if they do, the resulting pregnancies have an increased risk of ending in miscarriage.
• A small number of very rare health risks and genetic conditions are associated with older dads. For example, compared do men under 30, dads over 40 have a higher risk of fathering children with autism, schizophrenia, dwarfism, heart defects, facial abnormalities, epilepsy, and some childhood cancers. Advanced paternal age may also be associated with children’s lower IQ scores, increased risk of developing breast cancer and shortened lifespan (for women born to dads 45 and over). This may be why the American Society for Reproductive Medicine has set 40 as the upper limit for sperm donations. Some clinics have even lower limits.
• As your kids get older, you may not like it very much when people assume you’re the grandfather instead of the dad.
• As you age, it may be a bit harder for you to do some of the physical things young dads do, such as skateboarding, giving piggy-back rides, and just crawling around on the floor.

On the other hand, being an older dad has its advantages. And in many people’s eyes, those advantages far outweigh the disadvantages.

• Older dads are generally more financially secure, less worried about saving up for a down payment or making partner, and they’re better able to provide for their family.
• Research indicates that older dads are more likely to share responsibility for taking care of their children and tend to be more actively involved with them.
• Older dads may also be warmer, more nurturing, and focus more on their children than younger dads.
• Older dads rate themselves as being more patient, more mature, and calmer than the young bucks.
• There is some indication that children of older dads do better in school. That’s probably at least partly due to some of the factors above.
• Being an older dad keeps you thinking and feeling young. You’re up on the latest culture, you hang out with younger couples, get to throw baseballs and go to school plays, and you’ll know who Lady Gaga and Jay-Z are.

Dear Mr. Dad: It seems like every time I turn on the TV, there are the Duggars, with their 19 children, and Octomom with 14. How many kids are too many? What’s your take on it?

A: That’s a tough (and arbitrary) question, and the answer depends on whom you ask. The Duggars, for example, have made it clear that they’d like to have more kids, so in their opinion, 19 isn’t enough. I have a feeling that Octomom isn’t through either, and that the stars of the new show “9 by Design” are just getting warmed up. Fortunately, we can all rest easy now that John and Kate stopped at eight. On the other hand, a lot of people, including Bill McKibben, author of “Maybe One,” believe that one is the ethically and environmentally responsible number. Most of us, though, fall somewhere in between (the average number of children per household with kids is about two—and the prospect of an entire handful (or three) is frightening.
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Dear Mr. Dad: I’ve been deployed in Afghanistan for 13 months and am returning home next week. Being apart from my wife and children for so long has got me committed to making some major changes in my relationships with them. How easy will this be to do?

A: There’s nothing like being away from your family to get you thinking about making life better when you get home. “I’m going to spend more time with the family; not get upset over minor things like spills on the carpet, clogged toilets, or idiot politicians; and help the kids more with their homework.” All great goals. The problem is that the guy who made those resolutions (you) may not be the same as the guy who’ll be trying to make them a reality (also you): Although things may look pretty much the same as they did before you left, being deployed has changed you. Lots of other things have changed too:
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Dear Mr. Dad: When I married my husband, my biological son was 5. My husband adopted him two years later. My husband is financially and spiritually supportive, but he doesn’t seem interested in playing or doing "dad" type stuff with our son. I would love for him to initiate catch, going to batting cages, or anything family oriented, but he doesn’t. I’m starting to resent that all he wants to do is work on the house on weekends. Help me understand him.

A: There are all sorts of reasons that could explain your husband's behavior. When he became part of your son's life, he had already "missed" five years, along with the familiarity, confidence, and competence that comes from being there from the very beginning. As a result, he may simply not know what to do with the boy. This is especially true if he was an only child or had little or no experience with young kids.
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Dear Mr. Dad: I have a 2-week old baby boy, and I’m crazy about him. But I’ve suddenly started feeling really anxious, stressed, irritable, and sometimes even angry. My girlfriend says I could be suffering from male postpartum depression. I’ve never heard of guys getting postpartum depression, is it possible? If so, what can I do about it?

A: Your girlfriend is absolutely right. Most of us have heard of new moms experiencing the “baby blues,” or actual postpartum depression, but few acknowledge that paternal postpartum depression is just as real. In fact, quite a few people ridicule the idea. It’s wonderful that your girlfriend is not one of them.

According to Will Courtenay, a psychotherapist specializing in male postpartum depression, as many as 1 in 4 new dads experience the kinds of symptoms you mentioned, in the days, weeks, and even months after the birth of a child. Unfortunately, men rarely discuss their feelings or ask for help, especially during a time when they’re supposed to “be there” for the new mom. One big problem is that men and women express depression differently. Women tend to get tearful, men get angry or withdraw from their family and retreat to the office. Because depression—including the postpartum kind—is usually seen as affecting women more than men, many mental health professionals don’t recognize the symptoms, or write them off as normal adjustment to the challenges of new parenthood.
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