Dear Mr. Dad: Our adorable little girl has turned into a difficult, rebellious teenager. She’s only 14, but she already insists on wearing make-up, and screams things like, “I hate you!” and “It’s my life so you can’t tell me what to do.” Help!

A: And people say the terrible twos are bad? Ha! It won’t come as much comfort right now, but just about every parent of a teen has watched helplessly as their sweet baby morphed into something not nearly as sweet.

The first thing to do is take a deep breath and summon up as much patience as you can—you’ll need about four years’ worth.
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Dear Mr. Dad: My parents are divorced and my dad has been living in another state. He is now moving back home because he says he wants to develop a relationship with his grandchild (my son), who is four. Unfortunately, my father has anger management issues–he’s never been violent, but he does have verbal outbursts. He can be fine, but then something sets him off and he starts being verbally abusive. He says he can control himself now, but my husband and I are afraid to leave our son with him. On the other hand, I want my child to get to know his grandfather. What can we do?

A: You’re absolutely right to be concerned about entrusting your child to someone who has a history of abusive behavior—violent or otherwise—regardless of whether he’s a relative or not.

Your dad says he can control his outbursts. But how do you know? Has he been in anger management or been getting some other type of therapy, counseling, or professional help? I’m not saying people can’t change—of course they can. But it’s pretty unlikely that a lifelong habit would suddenly disappear all by itself. It’s certainly possible that your father has learned to keep his anger under wraps, but there’s no guarantee that it’ll stay that way. As you say, he can be fine one moment, then something (or someone) will spark his anger. You certainly don’t want that someone to be your four-year-old.
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Dear Mr. Dad: I’m 45 and my wife is 35. We’ve been together for more than ten years and have finally decided to have a family. I know that it may be harder for my wife to conceive than it would have been if she was a little younger. But someone recently told her that my age could be a factor too. Is that true? Sounds crazy.

A: I hate to take sides, but your wife wins this round. Like most people, you know about the difficulties that women over 35 have getting pregnant. That’s only the beginning. As women age, the risk of miscarriage, preterm birth, and birth defects increases. But we rarely hear anything how the father’s age affects fertility and beyond. Here’s a quick overview.

• Researchers at Bristol University in the UK found that men’s fertility begins to decrease starting at about age 24. The odds of conceiving within six months of trying go down two percent per year over that age.
• Sperm count decreases with age, and the little guys gradually lose their speed and accuracy, meaning fewer of them will make it all the way to the egg, and those that do will take a lot longer to get there.
• Sperm quality also decreases, starting when the man is about 35. That means that the ones that reach the egg are less able to fertilize it. And even if they do, the resulting pregnancies have an increased risk of ending in miscarriage.
• A small number of very rare health risks and genetic conditions are associated with older dads. For example, compared do men under 30, dads over 40 have a higher risk of fathering children with autism, schizophrenia, dwarfism, heart defects, facial abnormalities, epilepsy, and some childhood cancers. Advanced paternal age may also be associated with children’s lower IQ scores, increased risk of developing breast cancer and shortened lifespan (for women born to dads 45 and over). This may be why the American Society for Reproductive Medicine has set 40 as the upper limit for sperm donations. Some clinics have even lower limits.
• As your kids get older, you may not like it very much when people assume you’re the grandfather instead of the dad.
• As you age, it may be a bit harder for you to do some of the physical things young dads do, such as skateboarding, giving piggy-back rides, and just crawling around on the floor.

On the other hand, being an older dad has its advantages. And in many people’s eyes, those advantages far outweigh the disadvantages.

• Older dads are generally more financially secure, less worried about saving up for a down payment or making partner, and they’re better able to provide for their family.
• Research indicates that older dads are more likely to share responsibility for taking care of their children and tend to be more actively involved with them.
• Older dads may also be warmer, more nurturing, and focus more on their children than younger dads.
• Older dads rate themselves as being more patient, more mature, and calmer than the young bucks.
• There is some indication that children of older dads do better in school. That’s probably at least partly due to some of the factors above.
• Being an older dad keeps you thinking and feeling young. You’re up on the latest culture, you hang out with younger couples, get to throw baseballs and go to school plays, and you’ll know who Lady Gaga and Jay-Z are.

Dear Mr. Dad: It seems like every time I turn on the TV, there are the Duggars, with their 19 children, and Octomom with 14. How many kids are too many? What’s your take on it?

A: That’s a tough (and arbitrary) question, and the answer depends on whom you ask. The Duggars, for example, have made it clear that they’d like to have more kids, so in their opinion, 19 isn’t enough. I have a feeling that Octomom isn’t through either, and that the stars of the new show “9 by Design” are just getting warmed up. Fortunately, we can all rest easy now that John and Kate stopped at eight. On the other hand, a lot of people, including Bill McKibben, author of “Maybe One,” believe that one is the ethically and environmentally responsible number. Most of us, though, fall somewhere in between (the average number of children per household with kids is about two—and the prospect of an entire handful (or three) is frightening.
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IN DAD WE TRUST

Leading Websites for Dads Recognize the Best Father-Friendly Products and Services

MrDad.com and GreatDad.com announce the winners of the Spring 2010 Mr.Dad Seal of Approval and GreatDad Recommends awards, recognizing outstanding products that bring dads and kids closer together.

San Francisco, CA – April 6, 2010 – What do an indestructible booster seat,  a board game about bankruptcy, a coloring book that teaches critical thinking, and a wisecracking 9-month old have in common? They’re all among the most recent winners of the joint GreatDad.com Recommends/Mr. Dad Seal of Approval awards.

Both the Mr. Dad Seal of Approval and GreatDad Recommends programs were created to recognize products and services that encourage dads to spend more quality time with their children. "We want to provide a dad-approved of toys, games, and activities that, among other criteria, are educational, fun, and promote more interaction between dads and kids," said Paul Banas, Founder and CEO of GreatDad.com. "What we’re really doing,” adds Armin Brott, founder of Mr. Dad, “is giving men the resources and tools they need to be the fathers they want to be."
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