Dear Mr. Dad: My daughter is 19 and has been in rehab three times. When she was five, her mother died and my daughter was placed in foster care because I wasn’t mentally stable enough to care for her. She was then adopted by her foster parents, but they divorced. Now I’ve got my life together and she’s coming back to live with me. How do we re-establish trust and rebuild our relationship after all these years? I’m scared and don’t know what to do.

A: Wow, what a difficult situation for both of you. But most of all for your daughter. She lost her mom at a young age and has been shuttled around between different homes and families ever since. You don’t say what kind of addiction issues she had that landed her in rehab so many times, but it’s pretty safe to assume that it has something to do with her unstable life. You also don’t mention whether the two of you had any contact at all over the past 14 years, or whether you’ll be building your father-daughter relationship completely from scratch.

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Dear Mr. Dad: My nine-year old son has no interest in practicing sports. He says he wants to play in games but cringes whenever I mention that he need to go to practices too. I’ve been frustrated at his lack of interest and want to encourage him, but I don’t want to turn him off of sports. How can I approach this situation?

A: It's great that you're so conscious of the risk of turning your son off of sports, which is a very real possibility.

Sports for kids are great for a number of reasons. They teach valuable lessons about teamwork and the importance of sticking with things—even if in the face of losing. They also can teach good sportsmanship. A few weeks ago, my nephew’s soccer team was slaughtering their opponents. At the half, his coach got the team together and told them not to score any more goals, but to work on passing and ball control instead. What a wonderful lesson.

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Dear Mr. Dad: I’m a 37-year-old mother of two, ages 18 and 5. I really want another baby, but my husband had a vasectomy immediately after our second child was born. At the time, I was exhausted and fighting post-partum depression, so when he came in an announced that he was getting the surgery I agreed. But now, when I tell him he can get it reversed and that we could start trying for another baby, he just says, “oh" and leaves the room. What can I do to change his mind?

A: Unfortunately, there's no quick solution to your problem. It sounds like your husband really has no interest in having a third child and it's entirely possible that you won't ever be able to change his mind. Either way, though, this is too big an issue to ignore. The two of you need to have some long, serious discussions in which you both listen carefully and respectfully to each other.

I'm sure each of you has a perfectly sound reason for wanting (or not wanting) another child and neither of you is any more "right" than the other. Keep in mind that this is a topic that involves a lot of emotion and passion so if you aren't able to work through things on your own, don't be afraid to schedule a few sessions with a family therapist who, at the very least, should be able to act as a referee and facilitate a more productive discussion.

Dear readers: With the holidays looming, I’m already getting requests from people looking for the perfect gift for the dads in their life. Some advice: The last thing he wants is another tie. Most dads tell me that what they really want are games, ideas, or other activities to help them build stronger relationships with their spouse and kids. As you may know, we created the Mr. Dad Seal of Approval to help families find exactly that. And we’re now accepting submissions for our Holiday list. Information and applications are at mrdad.com/seal.

Dear Mr. Dad: We’re having trouble getting our almost-four-month old daughter to take naps. Until a week or two ago, everything was fine. Now she won’t go down for more than 45 minutes. We've heard all kinds of advice on what to do, but we're trying to let her sooth herself to sleep—and trying to strike a balance between running to her crib whenever she wakes up versus letting her scream until she passes out. What’s your take?

A: You’re definitely on the right track with trying to get her to soothe herself—a tremendously important skill. You say she was napping fine until recently. Did something change in her schedule, diet, routine, or surroundings? Babies are remarkably sensitive little creatures, and their behavior is often a response to what's going on around them.
Pay especially close attention to “sleep hygiene.” Are you putting your daughter down in a room where there are lots of toys around? If so, that could be the problem. Even though we think we sleep through the night, most of us actually wake up many times, take a look around, and go back to sleep. When your baby wakes up for those few seconds in the middle of her nap, if she sees toys, she’ll want to get up—and why not? Who’d want to sleep with all those cool things to play with. If all she sees around her is her crib, though, she’s more likely to drift off to sleep for a bit longer.

Dear readers: With the holidays looming, I’m already getting requests from people looking for the perfect gift for the dads in their life. Some advice: The last thing he wants is another tie. Most dads tell me that what they really want are games, ideas, or other activities to help them build stronger relationships with their spouse and kids. As you may know, we created the Mr. Dad Seal of Approval to help families find exactly that. And we’re now accepting submissions for our Holiday list. Information and applications are at mrdad.com/seal.

Dear Mr. Dad: My wife and I are relatively well off and can give our kids whatever they want. But how can we be generous without spoiling them rotten?

A: First of all, change your perspective: think in terms of giving them what they need instead of what they want. That said, if by “generous” you mean giving your time and love to your children, there's no need to limit your generosity. The kids will benefit from spending time with you and your wife (and you will too), whether you're just hanging out, taking walks, talking, or doing something more structured–none of which needs to cost anything at all.

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