Dear Mr. Dad: Our 15-year-old son wants to quit school and get a job. He has struggled academically but we always assumed he’d graduate and go on to college. We’re trying hard to dissuade him from quitting, but he says he can always get a GED later. What can we do?

A: Having been in exactly the same spot as your son—and having a teenager of my own who’s talked about leaving school—I don’t think that most high-schoolers are mature enough to make decisions on their own about things that could affect them for the rest of their lives.

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Dear Mr. Dad: I can't help but notice that some of the kids at my daughter's daycare are way more verbal than she is. We read to her all the time and we're a chatty family so what gives? Are these parents doing something we're not?

A: First things first: not all children develop language skills at the same pace. And there’s no proven connection between the age at which kids start to speak and intelligence. That said, the differences you’ve noticed at your daughter’s daycare could be a matter of genetics or, as you suggested, the parents could be doing something extra that you and your spouse haven’t tried yet.
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Dear Mr. Dad: I'm divorced and have full custody of my daughter. I've been dating someone for about six months and we practically live together, but I don’t think she’s doing enough to help me out. She says that this is her first real relationship and wants to take things slow. She never offers to help on her own—only does when I ask her to. Am I over reacting? I mean, she knew I had a daughter from the beginning and knows that my daughter is my world. I can't understand why she’s so unwilling to help.

A: Becoming a step-mother is a huge step–especially for a woman who's never had a real relationship before. I think that by taking it easy, she's doing the right thing. It's very hard even for more experienced women to get into a situation where they know they're going to be playing second fiddle. As you said, your daughter is your world. In non-step relationships, your girlfriend would be your world. She wants–and needs–to have a solid relationship with you before she can feel confident in her role as step-mother. So don't take her reluctance to get involved as an indication of lack of support or lack of caring on her part.
She's probably just trying to find her footing. Be patient, let her know that she's incredibly important to you, and ask how you can help. She needs to know that you love her for herself and not because you're looking for a mother for your child (I know you're not, but sometimes it looks that way from the outside). Asking your girlfriend to take on a parental role before she's even had much of a chance to be a spouse, is pushing things too quickly.

Finally, keep your expectations reasonable. Do not expect that your daughter and girlfriend will love each other (or even like each other) right away. It may happen, but it might not. Ever.

Dear Mr. Dad: My spouse and I adopted a 14-month-old baby boy. What can I do as a working father to build and cement a strong bond, since we have missed the early stages?

A: The best thing you can do now is read everything you can about child development. You need to know what's been going on so far, what's reasonable to expect from a 14-month old, and what's not. (My book, Fathering Your Toddler, is a good place to start.) Don't put a lot of pressure on yourself to "make up for lost time." You can't. But you can—and should—focus on the future.

It's also very important that you not set your expectations too high. It's tempting to get the baby’s room all set up, and to imagine that you and your spouse will be able to start providing your child with a wonderful life (especially if he came from a less-than-wonderful environment). And, of course, it's natural to imagine that you'll fall immediately in love with the baby and that he'll fall in love with you. It's extremely unlikely that will happen. So give yourselves plenty of time to get used to each other and your new situation.

Don't forget to pay special attention to your relationship with your wife. Having a new baby can take a real toll. You're going to need plenty of time alone–individually and as a couple (away from the baby).

Finally, I’m sure you're already in contact with adoption support groups. If not, though, there are some great resources for adoptive parents at Adoption Connection (adoptionconnection.org) and Adoption.org (adoption.org/)