Dear Mr. Dad: My husband is 42 but often hangs out with our 13-year-old son and his friends, acting like a kid himself. Am I wrong to want my husband to act his age instead of trying to be our boy’s buddy?

A: There’s nothing wrong with expecting your husband to be a good role model–a mature, responsible, and trustworthy individual your son can look up to, respect, and admire.

But the fact that your husband spends time with your son and his friends doesn’t necessarily mean he’s not good role model material or that he’s shirking his responsibilities. There are a lot of factors to consider here. For example, what is he doing with the boys? If they’re occasionally hanging out in the garage and building a train set, or playing ball in the backyard, those are perfectly good bonding activities and your son can only benefit from this quality time he’s spending with his dad (and Dad will benefit too).

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Dear Mr. Dad: Though my husband is only in his early forties, he recently suffered a heart attack. He’s back home now and the prognosis is good, but our children, ages 9 and 11, saw everything and are very worried about him. How do we reassure them that Dad is fine?

A: Witnessing a parent’s illness (mental or physical), or a sudden medical emergency can indeed be very troubling to a youngster—and plenty upsetting to a spouse as well). It’s even more disturbing if the kids saw paramedics performing CPR or taking away their father in an ambulance.

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Dear Mr. Dad. My husband’s father had several heart attacks and recently died of prostate cancer. That means he's in a high risk group and should have regular physicals and screenings. But despite having good insurance, he refuses to make an appointment. I'm worried about him—and our 13-year old son who's already modeling his behavior on his daddy’s. What can I do?

A: Unfortunately, your husband is far from alone. From the time we’re little boys, we’re conditioned to believe that we’re bulletproof and that showing pain is a sign of weakness. It’s that whole “big boys don’t cry” thing. No wonder only about half as many men as women have a regular physician, and men make one fourth the number of doctor visits.
The results of this lackadaisical attitude are startling: We’re twice as likely to die of heart, lung, and liver diseases. We’re forty percent more likely to die of cancer and 20 percent more likely to die of a stroke. In 1920, women outlived men by an average of one year. Today it's almost seven.

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Dear Mr. Dad: My son is starting college–more than 1000 miles from home–in the fall. He's a remarkably responsible young man when it comes to academics and getting jobs. But he's hopelessly naive about things like identity theft, credit card fraud, and the like. I don't want to panic him but I think he needs to know a little bit more about how the world works. How can we convince him to pay more attention to his own security?

A: Well, the good news is that you and your son are absolutely typical of parents and young adults these days. Unfortunately, that's also the bad news.

I had a horrifyingly eye-opening conversation with Robert Siciliano, a college and personal security expert. According to Bob, four out of five Americans will be the victims of some kind of theft or fraud during their lifetime. Most adults say they're concerned about things like identity theft and they've taken steps like installing antivirus and Internet protection software on their computers and shredding personal documents. And about 80 percent of parents of college kids say they've talked with their children about these and other safety precautions. Sadly, the majority of the kids themselves seem to be suffering from a serious case of "it can't happen to me" syndrome.

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