Apr
28
2009
Dear Mr. Dad: Because of the current economic situation, my wife and I have decided to sell our home and downsize to a smaller, more affordable one. We’re both comfortable with this decision, but we want to be sure that when we talk to our children (3rd and 5th graders), we don’t panic them. Depending on where we move, the kids may need to change schools. Any suggestions?
A: The fact that you and your wife have thought through your decision and are on the same page puts you way ahead of other families who are in similar situations.
For you, the first step is to sit down and talk with them in a way they can understand. Unless they’ve spent the past year on another planet, they’ve probably heard about the recession and may have even talked about it at school. But you’ll need to find out how much of what they’ve heard actually sank in. The problem is that they may understand just enough to be scared, so it’s important that you reassure them that despite the current state of the economy, they and your family will be OK.
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posted in All Ask Mr. Dad, Preschool and schoolage kids
Apr
23
2009
Dear Mr. Dad: My husband and I have been married 12 years, and have a 7-year old son. The problem is that my husband is a terrible role model. When he’s angry, he throws things around the house. Our son has already picked up on this and now does the same when things don't go his way. My husband is also verbally abusive and curses me in front of our son. He blames everything on me and now the boy has started doing the same. He opposes every household rule I set. I tell our son to brush his teeth and take a shower, dad says it’s okay not to. I could go on, but you get the point. I’m considering divorce and I want to know whether my son would be better off without his father.
A: Sounds like you're in a terrible–and possibly dangerous–situation. The short answer to your question is that I don't think your son would be better off without his father. He may be a bad parent and an all around jerk, but the boy loves and needs him.
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posted in All Ask Mr. Dad, Divorce, custody, single parenting, Preschool and schoolage kids
Apr
21
2009
Dear Mr. Dad: How do I find a way to forgive my 22-year old daughter for attending the marriage of her mother and the man she had an affair with. I have tried and tried and it’s just not in me. I felt my daughter should have informed her mother that she could not attend out of respect for me.
A: I know it's hard, but you need to take a deep breath and let it go. The fact that your daughter attended her mother's wedding has nothing to do with the way she feels about you. I’m sure she knows exactly what happened between you and her mother but like it or not, she loves her mother–lousy behavior and all.
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posted in All Ask Mr. Dad, Divorce, custody, single parenting, Teens
Apr
14
2009
Dear Mr. Dad: A young family recently moved in next door. There’s always a lot of yelling and door slamming and I’ve noticed that the boy who lives there, who looks about 10, often has bruises on his face, arms, and legs. Whenever I see him, he seems afraid to make eye contact. I don’t want to rush to judgment and accuse the parents of abuse, but I also don’t want to turn a blind eye in case I’m right. What should I do?
A: Thank you for speaking up and for your concern—you’ve just identified several classic warning signs of abuse. You’ve also stumbled into a very tough, very complex situation (one that I’m sure will generate angry emails from readers no matter how I answer the question).
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posted in All Ask Mr. Dad, Divorce, custody, single parenting, Preschool and schoolage kids, Teens, Toddlers
Apr
07
2009
Dear Mr. Dad: My four-year old daughter often climbs into bed with me and my wife in the middle of the night, claiming to be scared of a tiger, crocodile, or something else. She also seems to be generally afraid of the dark. There’s a night light in her room and we never read scary stories to her. What can we do to help her get over her fears, and how do I know she's not just making the whole thing up so she can sleep with us?
A. Even at the ripe old age of four, most children have a tough time telling the difference between reality and make believe. As a result, strange shadows and bumps in the night are enough to drive even the bravest child into mom and dad’s room. Fortunately, there are a few things you can do to get her out of your bed and back into her own.
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posted in All Ask Mr. Dad, Preschool and schoolage kids, Toddlers