Dear Mr. Dad: We’re planning our first big family road trip this summer, and I mean big! We’ve got three kids under seven. How can we keep them from going crazy and driving us nuts too?

A: Ah, there’s nothing like the family road trip to bring out the worst in parent and child alike. Fortunately, a little careful planning can make a world of difference.

The biggest problem for a child on a road trip is the endless, unmarked stretch of time. listening to the endless thrum of the pavement. As adults, we can look at the clock or the odometer and gauge how much time is left until the next break, the next meal, or stopping for the night. Young kids can’t do that.

Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Mr. Dad: I hear more and more that all children should have some formal music study. Is that true? What are the benefits, and how young should they start?

A: You can’t even swing a violin around in a bookstore anymore without hitting a book that claims that music is the answer to your every parental wish, from boosting intelligence to nurturing creative genius. A lot of these claims are exaggerated, but others are supported by solid research. More on that in a minute.

But first, the best reason to get your child involved in music is that it’s fun! Who doesn’t like music? And when it comes to exposing a child to music, there’s no such thing as too young—so keep your CD player and iPod well stocked with a wide variety of musical styles (yes, even some you aren’t wild about yourself) and just allow your child to listen.

Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Mr. Dad: When I was a kid, I remember learning about the importance of charity and generosity and helping others less fortunate. But it seems to me that kids these days aren’t learning those lessons. Is it possible to discourage selfishness and encourage generosity in my kids?

A: The best thing about the phrase “it’s better to give than to receive” is that it’s actually true—especially for kids.

Because we’re continually doing things for our kids, they’re very comfortable being on the receiving end. We give them food, clothing, and everything else they need. But we’ve all seen what happens when the shoe’s on the other foot. Give them a chance to step outside the receiving role and experience the satisfaction of being the generous one, and they vibrate with excitement. They feel grown up. It empowers them.

Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Mr. Dad: Six months ago, my wife and I divorced because she was having an affair. After our divorce, she remarried and my 3-year old son has become attached to her new husband, who showers him with expensive presents. I know my son loves me, but it isn’t easy for me not to feel hurt by their relationship. I don’t want to harm my son’s relationship with his stepfather, so how can I deal with these feelings?

A: Sometimes mothers think they’re the only ones who feel threatened by their ex’s new relationships, but it happens to dads, too. It’s never easy to watch another man come into the picture and “steal” your family. In your situation, such feelings might be worse because of how your marriage ended and how quickly the stepfather entered the picture. Rest assured, though, there’s nothing unusual about your reactions.

Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Mr. Dad: My husband and I have friends and family spread out around the country, and we always seem to have company. We love having guests, but I recently ran into a tough situation. One of my closest friends from high school made plans to come and spend a week with us, along with her husband and two kids. The catch is that her three-year-old is terrified of dogs and we have two labs that we consider members of our family. The dogs are friendly and quite used to being around small children, but that doesn’t do much to ease my friend’s anxiety. I can understand she doesn’t want to spend her entire vacation calming a screaming child, but at the same time, I’m not very enthusiastic about the added expense and disruption of having to board the dogs. What should we do?

A: At first glance, your question seems to be about manners: You and your family are generous enough to open your home to a friend, and in accepting your offer, your guest should be agreeable to the rules and dynamics of your home. But it’s clearly more complicated than that—longstanding friendships have been destroyed over far less.

Read the rest of this entry »