Aug
26
2007
Dear Mr. Dad: I am a single mother—my husband and I split before our daughter was born. She’s now 4-years-old and keeps asking where her father is. I try to keep in touch with him and encourage him to spend time with his daughter, but he has no interest. I’ve also been trying to meet other men so she can have a good male role model around, but haven't found a good match yet. The problem is that every time she sees a man she thinks he is her daddy, and this happens just walking round in the city. She doesn't want to sleep, eat, or behave in a normal way. How should I handle this situation?
A: Let me start with the most pressing issue: The fact that your little girl doesn’t eat, sleep, or behave “normally,” could be a symptom of a deeper problem, one that may or may not be related to the absence of her father. Please take those signs seriously. Talk with your pediatrician. He or she will want to rule out any physical problems and may refer your daughter to a mental health professional who specializes in children.
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posted in All Ask Mr. Dad, Divorce, custody, single parenting, Toddlers
Aug
19
2007
Dear Mr. Dad: Ever since the birth of our first baby nine months ago my husband and I don’t spend any time together anymore. How do we manage to get some quality alone time while still being good parents to our son?
A: Author Nora Ephron once said, "When you have a baby, you set off an explosion in your marriage. When the dust settles, your marriage is different from what it was. Not better, necessarily; not worse, necessarily; but different."
Sound familiar?
No question about it, early first-time parenthood is fraught with challenges, and you’ve just discovered one of them. Welcome to the club!
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posted in All Ask Mr. Dad, Infants and babies, Toddlers
Aug
12
2007
Dear Mr. Dad: Our son is eight days old and he seems to cry and get fussy a lot between the hours of 3:30am and 6am. Since my husband has to be up early in the morning to get ready for work, I feel guilty about asking him to tend to the baby at night. But I get so exhausted myself, that sometimes I just have to ask. He has a physically demanding job and works 10 hours a day, 5 days a week. What should I do?
A: Let’s start with the easy part first. It’s perfectly normal for newborns to be fussy and up at all hours of the night—an eight-day old baby who sleeps through the night would be extremely rare. For the first few months of life, babies are on pretty much the same schedule they were on before they were born: sleeping all day and up all night. This makes perfect sense: when you’re awake and walking around during the day, you’re rocking your unborn baby to sleep. When you get home and lie down, the fetus wakes up.
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posted in All Ask Mr. Dad, Infants and babies
Aug
05
2007
Dear Mr. Dad: My 16-year-old son has two close friends: "Paul," a very nice and polite boy, and "Mike," a vulgar loudmouth, who, I feel, is a bad influence on my son. When I ask my son why he hangs out with Mike, he says the boy is "fun." I'd like to encourage my son to spend more time with Paul and less (or none) with Mike. How do I go about it without being too overbearing?
A: One of the most fascinating things about adolescence is that kids often gravitate towards the peers their parents can’t stand, instead of the ones we like. It’s also a well-known fact that teenagers are influenced by their peer groups. “Good” kids are a positive force and encourage others to do well at school, get involved in sports, plan for college, and generally do all the “right” things. The teens who skip school (or drop out altogether), have no well-defined direction or goals in life, smoke, do drugs, or are in trouble with the law, may sway impressionable kids to follow their lead. That is every parent’s nightmare.
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posted in All Ask Mr. Dad, Teens