Back off, Helicopter Parents. Further Back.
Dear Mr. Dad: I’m 19 and going to college nearly 1,000 miles from home. The problem is that my helicopter parents won’t let me alone. For example, since I don’t have any income, they’re paying for my cell phone, but they call me nearly every day and ask where I am and what I’m doing. They go through my bills and demand to know who I’m calling and why. And they’re constantly emailing and calling my instructors asking how I’m doing. It’s incredibly embarrassing. I’ve asked them to give me some space but they refuse. What can...
read moreGerms: Cleanliness is Next to Sickliness
Dear Mr. Dad: With all the talk about bird flu and swine flu I’m in a panic about germs. I’m putting antibacterial soaps all over my house and hand sanitizers in the car and my kids’ backpacks. Is there anything else I can do? A: The most important thing you can do right now is relax. There are a number of ways to reduce the risk that you or your children will get the flu (or come in contact with other dangerous germs), and antibacterial soaps and hand sanitizers are at the bottom of the list: Get a flu shots every year, stay away from...
read moreParents: How Stupid Do They Think We Are? Actually, How Stupid Are We?
Dear Mr. Dad: I’m a new dad and spend a lot of time learning how to be a great parent. Some of what’s out there is good (your books, for example), but a lot of it is insulting and condescending. Is it really necessary to treat parents like idiots? A: Tough question: A year or so ago, I was writing an article about imaginative play and received a pretty nifty Superman cape to review. I was just about to open the package when I noticed the label: “Warning: This cape will not make you fly.” Does anyone really believe that a cape will make...
read moreDads Parent Just As Well As Moms
Dear Mr. Dad: I’m seeing news stories all the time about how stay-at-home dads are becoming more common, and how fathers of all kinds are taking on a greater share of the parenting workload. While that sounds like it should be a good thing, I’m worried about how the kids will do. I have nothing against fathers, but after all, mothers are naturally better parents than fathers, aren’t they? So doesn’t it follow that they’d do better in life if they were raised primarily by their mothers? A: In a word. “No.” In two words, “Hell,...
read moreCorporal Punishment in Schools? Spare the Rod. Period.
Dear Mr. Dad: My 9-year old son has been complaining a lot recently about how much he hates school. We had a long talk about it and he completely stunned me when he told me that the principal of his school has paddled his behind several times. I know my son can be challenging sometimes, but I thought corporal punishment in schools had been outlawed long ago. How is this even possible? A: And just when I’d thought I’d put all those unpleasant grade-school memories to rest… Nationwide, more than 60 percent of American parents approve of...
read moreCould Giving Your Kids an Allowance Lead to Financial Ruin?
Dear Mr. Dad: In today’s tough economy, I think it’s important to teach kids about the importance of saving money. The problem is that my husband and I don’t agree on how to do that. I think we should give the kids (10 and 13) an allowance, but he’s taking a harder line and says it’s important for them to earn their money. What’s your opinion? A: Ah, allowances. Always a thorny subject. Before I jump in and start taking sides, you’re both absolutely right about one thing: People who develop good financial management habits as...
read moreMilitary Kids Suffer During a Parent’s Deployment
Dear Mr. Dad: A few weeks ago, you wrote about how PTSD after deployment affects spouses in addition to servicemembers themselves. You talked a little about how it affects kids too. But what about families where PTSD isn’t an issue? My brother is in the Army and he and his wife are both being deployed in a few weeks. Their two children, a boy age 11 and a girl age 13, will be staying with my husband and me. How do kids do during the actual time when dad or mom is deployment? A: The short answer to your question is that most of the more than...
read morePTSD Affects Vets’ Families Too
Dear Mr. Dad: A few months ago, my husband got back from his 3rd Army deployment—two in Iraq, one in Afghanistan. He’s been diagnosed with PTSD and is getting treatment. But I’m worried that his condition is somehow rubbing off on the rest of the family. Our children are having problems in school, I’m finding myself on edge and agitated all the time, and my temper seems to be getting shorter by the minute. I used to think that if we survived three deployments we could survive anything. But now I’m not so sure. What can I do? A:...
read moreGun Control? Sure, But Let’s Be Reasonable
Dear Mr. Dad: My 8-year old boy loves to play soldiers with his friends using squirt guns. But I got a call from a mom saying that she wouldn’t let her son play with mine as long as we have guns in the house. I was speechless. Squirt guns? Really? What’s your take? A: You may be speechless, but I’m outraged. How someone can put “guns in the house” and “squirt gun” in the same sentence is beyond me. I completely understand people’s worries about guns and violence, particularly in the aftermath of recent school shootings, but...
read moreThe Nearly Impossible Task of Making College Affordable
Dear Mr. Dad: Our son just turned 8 and my husband and I have been talking about how we’re going to pay for his college education. We really don’t have a plan. I say that we should take the money out of our retirement accounts, but my husband says we shouldn’t. We’re both feeling completely overwhelmed by the whole college tuition thing. Who’s right? A: Congratulations! It’s great that you’re having this discussion right now—too many parents put the whole thing off until it’s almost too late. And you’re not alone in feeling...
read moreEating Disorders and Weak Bones: Not Just for Girls
Dear Mr. Dad: As a child, my son used to be quite a bit overweight—his pediatrician said he was borderline obese. About a year ago, though, he started losing weight. He looked great and seemed happier with himself. But he kept on losing weight, long after he needed to. Thinking he might be ill, we took him to the doctor who couldn’t find any medial issues. After another few months, he was absolutely emaciated. His pediatrician did a bunch of tests but still couldn’t find anything wrong. The daughter of some good friends of ours had...
read moreGood Grades—Nice to Have, But at What Cost?
Dear Mr. Dad: I’m really worried about my 9-year old daughter. She’s very smart and does well in school but lately she’s become obsessed with grades. A lot of her classmates have private tutors and she’s feeling more and more pressure from her teachers to study all the time. It’s gotten to the point where she doesn’t play with friends, rarely reads anything that’s not assigned, and almost never does artwork, which was something she used to be passionate about. Worst of all, she just doesn’t seem happy any more. Is there...
read moreHow Much Money Is Enough?
Dear Mr. Dad: Right now, I work fulltime and my wife is home with our twin preschoolers. However, after some discussion, we realized that she’d prefer to be working and I’d rather be home with the kids. Where we run into challenges is that my wife feels she can’t support us on the same financial level we are at now. Does who stays home have to be a financial decision or, assuming we can make ends meet and pay our bills with my wife working and me at home, is there any reason for us not to do that? A: What an interesting situation. In...
read moreFeeding Us the Truth about Nutrition
Dear Mr. Dad: My wife and I try to set a good example for our kids by buying—and eating—only the healthiest foods along with quality vitamin and mineral supplements. But lately it’s getting nearly impossible to keep track of what’s good and what’s bad. Is there any sure way to know? A: In a word, no. Unfortunately, things that used to be considered good are turning out to either do nothing or possibly cause harm. And things we thought were harmful are turning out to be either neutral or possibly even good for us. Here are the results...
read moreFamily Dinners
Dear Mr. Dad: My wife and I both work full time and we’ve hired a local college student to drive our three kids around to their various after-school activities. By the end of the day, we’re all too exhausted to cook, so we each grab a snack or make a sandwich and head off to our rooms—the kids do their homework while my wife and I catch up on email. We’ve talked about how nice it would be to have more meals together as a family, but we never seem to get around to making it happen. Any suggestions? A: At the risk of stepping on Nike’s...
read more